Will Homeland Obscurity jail us for noticing what’s in front of our eyes? Cats and the Dictionary Conspiracy

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Will Homeland Obscurity jail us for noticing what’s in front of our eyes?

Cats and the Dictionary Conspiracy

By Joseph Rorie



The pair of volumes were dictionaries, one printed in 1863 and the other 1864. The reason he keeps them both handy at all times is because people want proof. "They are not just going to believe my story without the evidence."

I thought to myself, "They do?"

Maybe I’m from the wrong area; I’ve found many people to be gullible. As my expression again gave me away, he read my mind, and stated, "No one is going to believe that a professional lexicographer would purposely falsify the definition of words, especially if that news comes from a cat just let out of the bag."

"You do have a point," I observed.

"Some of these words," he continued, "have been arrested right out of common usage and detained without counsel into the ‘archaic’ vault by iconoclastic sophists, to be replaced at their whims with captious and fallacious utterances. Thereafter, the ‘disappeared ones’ aren’t heard from again in public discourse."

"Hmm!" I thought to myself. (Well, of course to myself, I’m not going to think out loud and have this cat imagine that he’s speaking over my head. Shall I admit the learned one speaks better English than I?)

He proceeds to lay out both dictionaries and begins walking me through them. In no time at all, after examining some very key words and discerning his cat tale to be true, I flip to the fronts of the two volumes to see who would’ve done this; for, no way could I believe that such was by a legitimate staff of lexicographers.

Webster’s!? No. No! They are the most trusted authority known to the American people! Looking at just a few more words I became speechless – fanatically gesturing, pointing to my mouth beckoning to know which one of those cats had got my tongue. I was glad they understood sign language even if not the official version; more like panic reading. Having regained my speech, I reprimanded the guilty scudder and told him he might benefit by learning the many ways I can skin a cat if he will not do that again.

I now move to expound on what I’ve discovered, and enter into evidence these two dictionaries. To begin with, words are very important in describing government; for instance, the definitions of Federal, Confederation, State, E Pluribus Unum, Congress, Alliance, Democracy and Union to speak of only a few. I will first brief you on each one, then select just a few quotes directly from the two dictionaries by way of comparison.

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