The Goon Show: The Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker
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| [Backstage, giggling quietly]
Seagoon:
Let me see. Milligan: [Backstage, corpsing badly!] Seagoon:
Hm! There's only one entry. We'll have to go in there! Ha ha ha! Ha ha, ahem! Dear listeners. Up a narrow street. In a broad road. Which ran through a long narrow lane. In a quaint... [sings] ...Old fashioned town! Grytpype: You'll starve. Seagoon:
We saw a small green door. Greenslade: We now reveal for the very first time exactly what is going on behind that green door. Minnie Bannister (singing): Green door, yatta bumdebum... Greeen dooor, bwarck bwarck... [making chicken noises] green do-or... Ooooohh... Henry Crun: Min, Min... I can't concentrate on the brown leather when you keep singing the green door you know. Minnie Bannister: Aww, you gotta get modern Henry. Henry Crun (shouts): Modern! Minnie Bannister: Modern. Henry Crun: I am modern Min! I am known as 'Modern Crun'! Minnie Bannister: That's a messy [??indecipherable??] Henry Crun: You think that because I don't sing rhythm-type melodies, that I'm a corny. Well you asked for this. Minnie Bannister: What's this? He's losing it! He's losing it! Henry Crun: You asked for it..! Minnie Bannister: Awwww... Henry Crun: I'm going to sing moderrrrrn! Minnie Bannister: Well, I'll put my corsets on. Henry Crun: [Taps his foot in rhythm] One two three four! [sings] Midda watchayacollum, whatcha doing tonight, yeahhh! Taroo, I hope your in the mood becos I'm afeelin' alright... Ohhh go man go....etc etc. Orchestra: [High hat crash] Henry Crun: There, Min! Let that be a lesson to you. Minnie Bannister: Awww dear, dear. Henry Crun: You and your Dan Leno school of rhythm. [Pauses for laughs] Now let us get back to the leather omnibus. Minnie Bannister: We never seem to sell any. Henry Crun: I know, I can't understand it, you know. We make the finest leather omnibuses in the world. FX:
[Penguin sounds] Henry Crun: Min, Min, the the penguin wants to go out. Minnie Bannister: Awww, then then. I tell you what Henry. We want to sell more of these modern leather rhythm omnibuses. We should do more modern American advertising-type advertising. Henry Crun: We can't get more modern than we are already, Min. Minnie Bannister: What do you mean Henry? Uryeurrhhhh! Henry Crun: We've got a gaslit poster in the gents wash up and brush up in Piccadilly Tube, you know. Minnie Bannister: I bet that's been marked for life by now. Henry Crun: We must... Keep production rolling Min. Minnie Bannister: Yes. Henry Crun: Help me lace up this leather engine. Minnie Bannister: Mind the piston rods now. FX:
[Shop doorbell rings, door opens] Seagoon:
Good morning! Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister: [Shrieks of surprise] Minnie Bannister: What is it, what is it. A morning... Henry Crun: Min! Minnie Bannister: A welsh driver. What is it? Henry Crun: It's a gent customer direct from the Piccadilly wash and brush up. [sings] Midda watchayacollum, whatcha doing tonight, yeahhh! Seagoon:
So that's what happened to Harry Roy? Now sir, I'm from the police department. Henry Crun: nnNMMMMnnnnyooiiii! Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister: Share with your friends:
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