1. "Area Stoners mistakenly Hold Massive Kemp Rally." "Retro-Crazed German Youths Invade Poland." "Ask a Gut-Shot Policeman." "ACLU Defends Nazis' Right to Burn Down ACLU Headquarters," and editorials by T. Herman Zwiebel are all fixtures of, FTP, this paper and online magazine, "America's Finest News Source," which hit the stands of Barnes & Nobles nationwide last November.
ANSWER: The Onion 2. In Egyptian mythology, he was an architect, physician, scribe, and grand vizier of the 3rd dynasty. He lived in the court of the Pharaoh Zoser, and was worshipped as a god of medicine. FTP, name this son of Ptah, creator of the universe, and Sekhmet, goddess of war and pestilence, who built and designed the Step Pyramid at Sakkara, oldest extant monument of hewn stone known to the world.
3. This playwright was born in 1564, in Canterbury, England, the son of a shoemaker, but it seems that from pretty early on, he had no intention of continuing the family business. He entered Corpus Christi College, Cambridge as a scholar in 1580 and probably wrote one of his earliest works, Tamburlaine the Great, during his studies there. He later went on to a career of government service, writing, and generally sketchy behavior, resulting in his stabbing death in a bar brawl in 1593. FTP, name this Elizabethan playwright, also the author of Edward II, and everybody's favorite, The Jew of Malta.
ANSWER: Christopher Marlowe
4. Like his father, this monarch chose marine biology as his major field, which he studied from American Elizabeth Gray Vining. Unlike his father, he was not an absolute ruler. Taking the throne in 1989, he is the 125th direct descendent in his line and the first to marry a commoner. FTP, name the son of Nagako and Hirohito, the Emperor of Japan.
ANSWER: Tsugu Akihito
5. Gouranga! You are an ordinary citizen who travels around cities in the United States, and you’ve managed to acquire quite a criminal record doing this. Your goal is to impress the drug dealers and gang lords in order to get recognition in the criminal world. Armed with weapons ranging from small pistols to rocket launchers, you can kill innocents, steal cars, and dodge the police. FTP identify this video game whose title comes from the crime you’re charged with for stealing a car.