She kicks his sore end with the point of her hisses and flaps at her, but when YumYum turns and runs away down the corridor. She calls after him:
slipper. Phido runs at him, he
GET BACK TO YOUR MASTER'S TOWER!
Phido slows his run and takes a few more steps and stops, sulking at her. Princess YumYum stamps her foot. He turns and walks away, looking like a miniature version of ZigZag.
YumYum returns to the cell door window and smiles.
Cobbler's tacks move hesitantly upwards in response, making a smile. They gaze at each other. Hold.
Cut to ZigZag's Vulture Tower, silhouetted against the turquoise sky of early evening. The vulture is flapping up toward it. As he approaches, the lights in the tower windows go on like two eyes. Phido
circles nearer and flies into an eye of the vulture tower.
Cut to the inside of ZigZag's Tower window. Phido zooms in and makes a long running landing, flapping his broad wings backwards to brake himself. He comes to a stop at the feet of ZigZag, who is receiving the three golden balls from Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle. The three balls are on a red carpet in front of him. Phido crashes into ZigZag who shoots out his telescopic stick with fly-swatter on the end, and swats Phido on his sore bum. Keeping going, Phido hisses in pain, then takes up his position on the world globe.
GENTLEMEN! GENTLEMEN! WHAT A DELIGHT! YOU BRING ME IMMEASUREABLE PLEASURE TONIGHT! NO DOUBT YOU WERE CAREFUL AND KEPT OUT OF SIGHT. . . WE'LL LET THIS BE OUR LITTLE SECRET. . . ALL RIGHT?
As he says this last line, telescopic stick and it flicks into a each chin menacingly.
ZigZag has pressed a button on his long stilletto, which he holds under
Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle respond with four desperate, toothsome grins. Phido snickers with pleasure, then his stomach rumbles.
THEY'LL BRING YOU GOOD LUCK. . . (hands pearl to Goblet) OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND.
. . . AND BAD LUCK FORESTALL. . .
(ZigZag hands pearl to Gopher)
OH, THANK YOU SIRE! . . . AND EACH ONE IS ROUND. . .
(hands pearl to Slap)
. . . LI KE A REAL GOLDEN BALL. (hands pearl to Tickle)
HEH. YES, ER, SO IT IS!
ROUND, YEAH, HEHEH.
Goblet, Gopher, Slap and Tickle giggle and congratulate each other, kissing the hem of ZigZag's robe.
OH, THANK YOU, SIRE!
OH, PLEASE. THANK YOU, MASTER!
OH THANK YOU! HAHAHA! HAHAHA! THANK YOU!
YOUR GENEROSITY, MY LORD, IS SECOND ONLY TO YOUR INTELLECT.
OH, THANK YOU.
Cut to Phido, whose stomach is rumbling. His beak waters as he looks at Gopher. He fl ies over and bites Gopher's hand. Gopher
YEOW! MY FINGER! MY FINGER! HE BIT A PIECE OUT OF MY FINGER!
LOOK AT THAT THEN.
Phido swallows the piece.
ZigZag slashes at the vulture with his fly-swatter. guiltily flaps back to the globe and sulks.
(kindly) POOR PHIDO! WHAT A SHAME! WE'VE FORGOTTEN HIS DINNER
HE HASN'T BEEN FED!
WELL, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT AFTER ONE LITTLE THINGNOW THAT I HAVE THE BALLS, I WILL GO SEE THE KING!
Evening. Fade in to four Eagle statues on a pedestal. I n the middle is the Thief's head he is trying to look like an eagle. The flies buzz in the halo above his head. Then the head shoots down behind the pedestal and the Thief sneaks along the wall, behind a guard, and he looks into the Throne Room, as we hear:
FATHER. . . FATHER! FATHER, SOMEONE HAS IMPRISONED MY COBBLER, AN D I NEED (waving a small bare foot under his nose) HIM!
(Up to IMPRISONED, we still see the Thief, at MY COBBLER we cut to the Throne Room and see Princess YumYum waving her bare foot.)
YES, YES, MY DEAR. . . ANYTHING YOU DESIRE, MY LITTLE. . . OH, ER UH . . .
YUMYUM, FATHER. . . YUMYUM. MAY I HAVE THE COBBLER BACK NOW?
YES, UH . . . ER . . . (raising his voice) COURIERS! HAVE THE COBBLER RELEASED
(kissing King Nod on the forehead) THANK YOU, FATHER!
A green puff of smoke bursts through the curtains, and when the air clears, ZigZag is standing there, posed like a stage magician.
IT IS I! ZIGZAG! YOUR CHIEF OF STAFF! TO REMIND YOU OF THE SECOND HALF OF THE PROPHECY OF THE GOLDEN BALLS. . .
ZigZag pulls a scroll out of his sleeve and unrolls it.
THE CITY CAN BE SAVED BEFORE IT FALLS BY THE SIMPLEST SOUL WITH THE SIMPLEST OF TH INGS . . .
Close-up of the scroll and ZigZag's bejewelled finger pointing out the appropriate words:
"The City might be saved By The Simplest Soul With the smallest and
simplest of things. II
CAST OFF YOUR FEARS, a BRAVEST OF KINGS! (letting the scroll snap shut and tossing it away)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ZIGZAG?
THE WORDS OF THE ANCIENTS ARE THERE IN THE SCROLL, BUT WHO (YOU MAY ASK) IS THE SIMPLEST SOUL?
King Nod goes to the window I and looks down into the city below.
WHO ELSE'S EXISTENCE IS SIMPLER THAN MINE? PURE SERVICE WITHOUT ANY SELFISH DESIGN?
WELL. . . ER . . .
THA TIS RIGHT, MAJESTY, HAVE NO FEAR! ZIGZAG, YOUR GRAND VIZIER IS HERE!
BUT HOW CAN YOU SAVE THE CITY, ZIGZAG? -
OBSERVE! (He goes into a dramatic pose) IPSO FACTO! (green puff of smoke emerges from mid-air) ALAKAZAM!
COG ITa ERGO SUM!
(electricity sparkles in the cloud)
ABRACADABRA! ERGO SHAZAM! (the cloud is getting LET THUNDER AND LIGHTN ING GO BOOM!
The cloud of smoke is now three times the size of ZigZag. Ominous thunder bursts and lightning lights up the room, flashing from the centre of the cloud.
Cut to the King, looking on, amazed.
Everything darkens into mysterious colours. The cloud parts into the shape of a ring. The centre is a deep velvet blue. A silver dove flies around the inner edge, a kind of mystic fire following it. Dove and fire disappear and a sun materializes in the centre of the ring. It enlarges and is brilliant and golden. Reflected in the golden sun, ZigZag bows to the King.
FOR YOUR WEALTH OF INFORMATION IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW. . .
Cut to the King, agog.
Cut back to ZigZag.
THE FIRST RULE OF CONJURATION:
AS ABOVE (he gestures at the sun) THEN SO BELOW!
ZigZag's arms drop. From below the golden "sun" orb appear a middle-sized ball and a smaller ball, both gold. The balls begin to rotate clockwise around the "sun" and stop when they are lined up like the three golden balls. Then a transparent onion dome fades in beneath the three balls. ZigZag bows to the King, presenting him his illusion of the Three Golden Balls.
Cut to the King, greatly impressed.
While the cloud circle remains, the onion dome and three golden balls fade slowly away.
FOR WHOEVER PLAYS WITH MAG IC HASTENS H IS APPROACH TO DEATH. THE RESULTS COULD BE MOST TRAGIC I COULD BREATHE MY FINAL BREATH!
ZigZag sucks in his jowls, causing his face to look withered and old, and he goes into an ancient posture, all the while gasping and wheezing with great difficulty.
Cut to the King, obviously being taken in.
Cut back to ZigZag, recovering.
YES! I'VE KNOWN IT SINCE I STARTED I MUST RISK TH IS AWFUL PRICE. MAGIC'S NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED, AND YOU, TOO, MUST SACRIFICE!
Cut to the King:
JUST DO IT!
Cut to ZigZag, very grave and dignified.
AS MY PERIL WILl.- BE DIRE YOU MUST GRANT MY HEART'S DESIRE. . .
Cut to the King.
Cut to ZigZag as he begins to conjure again. A circular rainbow forms and in the centre a beautiful red rose materializes as he speaks:
MY DESIRE IS SIMPLE AS A ROSE IS. . . BUT IN THIS CASE, IT'S TWO ROSES!
From behind the first rose, a second rose appears, joined on the same stem. ZigZag reaches into the vision and plucks the twin roses right out from the magical display, waves his hands and the clouds disappear, and presents the roses to the King.
. . . TWIN ROSES!
King Nod, looking at them quizzically.
TWIN ROSES. . . ?
The King, who has been staring at the roses, jerks his head up in disbelief. There is a strained silence which ZigZag attempts to fill with philosophy.
FA TE SO SELDOM EVER BLESSES ANY MAN WITH TWO PRI NCESSES
. . . (smiles encouragingly)
King Nod, reddening as he realizes what ZigZag is asking, shakes with rage.
YOU WANT MY DAUGHTERS?
Close up on ZigZag, nodding as if to congratulate the King for his great power of comprehension and gazing with delight at the roses, frozen in the King's outstretched fist.
Cut to a close-up of the bright red King, trembling violently, about to explode.
(beginning to back away) OH, WELL. . . I JUST THOUGHT I'D ASK. . .
Close-up of the King, furious, still shouting.
The King's Ancient Manservant steps forward menacingly.
ZigZag exits obsequiously through the curtaining.
Cut to the other side of the curtains as ZigZag, in a fit of controlled fury, stamps away from the Throne Room curtaining toward us and away down a circular staircase, muttering through his teeth:
YOU DON'T NEED ME! I DON'T NEED YOU! WE'LL SEE WHO ENDS UP GRIEVING JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT THE ONE-EYES DO . . . I'M TAKING MY BALLS AND LEAVING!
palm. to see
Fade in on the Thief's head, coming up from behind a potted We can hear the King speaking in the distance. The Thief looks that the coast is clear, then sneaks along a corridor toward the
sound of voices.
Princess YumYum: (v .0.) King Nod: (v.o.) Princess YumYum: (v.o.) Princess MeeMee: (v.o. ) King Nod: (v.o.) Princess YumYum: (v.o.)
Princess MeeMee: (v.o.) King Nod: (v.o.)
FATHER FATHER, WAKEN!
WE'RE HERE, FATHER!
ER. . .UM. . .AH?
IT'S YUMYUM, FATHER!
AND MEEMEE, FATHER!
ER. . .AH. . .OH. . .UM. . .
- YOU CALLED US HERE TO TELL US SOMETHING. . .
YOU SAI D IT WAS IMPORTANT. . .
(waking) YES, YES, . . . OH! ER YES! A MATTER OF LIFE.
IMPORTANT. . . VERY IMPORTANT YES!. . . VERY IMPORTANT. . . . . LIFE AND DEATH. . . YES,
YES. . .
Cut to the King.
Princess YumYum, Princess MeeMee and Prince
76. Bubba are standing before him with the four Eunuchs lined up behind him. The Ancient Manservant, always in attendance, stands behind the King.
MY DAUGHTERS. . . OUR CITY IS IN GRAVE DANGER. . .
His eyes glaze over.
There is a long pause.
Then his head
THE THREE GOLDEN BALLS HAVE BEEN MAGICKED AWAY. . . AND WE FACE DESTRUCTION. . . AND DEATH. . .
This time, the King really falls asleep and his daughters move closer to him. MeeMee kneels at his side. YumYum, on his other side,
puts an arm around his shoulders.
King Nod wakes up.
WE HAVE ONE CHANCE. . . I AM TOLD THERE IS A MAD AND HOLY OLD WITCH WHO DWELLS AT THE TOP OF THE DESERT MOUNTAIN. . .
The King's voice continues over as we cut to the Thief, edging his way, back flat against the wall. He turns a corner and, back still against the wall, edges away from camera and closer to the curtaining of the Throne Room.
King Nod: (v.o.)
YOU MUST GO TO THE DESERT MOUNTAIN AND SEEK OUT THIS WITCH PERHAPS SHE CAN TELL US HOW THE CITY CAN BE SAVED.
CAN SHE LIFT EVIL CURSES?
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO. . . (drifting into slumber) PERHAPS SHE WILL CHANGE BUBBA BACK
OH FATHER. . . SHOULD WE LEAVE YOU IN THIS TIME OF TROUBLE?
Cut to two pillars, as the King's voice is heard over. Thief shoots from behind one to behind the other.
(voice over) THERE IS NO BETTER WAY YOU CAN SERVE ME, MY DAUGHTERS. HAD I A SON, I WOULD SEND HIM ON TH IS PERILOUS JOURNEY.
Cut to YumYum.
11M NOT AFRAID!
I AM . . .
HOW WILL WE KNOW THIS PLACE?
AT THE FOOT OF THE DESERT MOUNTAIN. . .
Cut to the Thief. We hear the King, voice over, as we see the Thief's head peering around a curtain, flies bu
- voice over)
. . . IS A GOLDEN fDOL WITH A PRICELESS RUBY SET IN ITS FOREHEAD.
At the King's mention of PRICELESS RUBY, there is a ripple effect in the Thief's eyes and they turn into rubies. In each eye, there appears the forehead and eyes of a golden idol. Cut back to the King.
I AM TOLD THAT WHEN THE DESERT SUN IS DIRECTLY OVERHEAD, THE REFLECTION OF THE RUBY FALLS UPON A HIDDEN DOOR TO A PATH UP
Cut to a side shot of the Thief behind his pillar listening. There is a mirror beside him and he just now looks to his reflection, which he sees for the first time ever. He shoots back in terror. Cut back to King Nod:
MAKE HASTE! THE COURIERS WILL SHOW YOU THE SECRET PASSAGE TO THE PALACE MOAT. THERE, A BOAT WILL BE WAITING TO TAKE YOU UP THE RIVER UNTIL YOU ARE WELL CLEAR OF THE CITY. . .
The King's eyes begin to glaze over as his speech slows down. King Nod: (continuing)
THEN, YOU DESERT GO NOW
MUST CROSS THE GREAT. . .
Cut to a close-up of Princess MeeMee:
BUT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE THE PALACE. . . WHO WILL LEAD US?
Cut to the King, asleep.
Cut to Princess YumYum.
I KNOW ONE WHO CAN!
Fade in on the Cobbler's face, peering around the edge of an outside door of the Palace wall. It is midnight. He tiptoes out of the door, looks both ways, then turns and motions toward the door. Silently, the four Eunuchs tiptoe out into the moonlight, carrying a large white and gold palanquin. We see the faces of the two princesses and Bubba, peeking out from within the curtains. As the palanquin is carried,. following the Cobbler, we see that we are at the moat below the Palace drawbridge. A beautiful, smallish oriental gondola is tied up, waiting, loaded with supplies and a camel, which stands intrigued by what's coming aboard: the palanquin, Eunuchs, Cobbler, etc.
Cut to ZigZag by an iron grating. He mounts a black horse and gives Phido's leash a jerk. Phido lands on the horse's rump. The
horse, feeling the talons of the vulture, jerks its head up and whinnies loudly in shock. There is the crack of a riding crop and the thunder of hooves.
Cut to the Cobbler at the back of the gondola, pole, about to set off, with the drawbridge above. We and below the drawbridge at once.
leaning on a can see above
In silhouette we see the horse, ZigZag and Phido, gallop loudly across the drawbridge.
The Cobbler, four Eunuchs, the Prince and the two Princesses all stare up in surprise at the black shape of horse and riders disappearing into the darkness.
WHAT WAS THAT?
The Thief suddenly darts from the shadows and races along the mooring rope, instead of the gangplank, almost to the gondola, and falls SPLASH!
WHAT WAS THAT?!
Everybody looks around, but by at the palanquin, MeeMee has disappeared he sees only YumYum smiling at him.
the time the Cobbler looks back inside the curtaining, so that
Zoom slowly back to see the beautiful panorama of the City in the moonlight. Shadows of black clouds lend a slightly sinister appearance. The Cobbler's boat pulls into full view on the river, crescent moon and stars reflecting in the water. And in the black, shadowy part of the City streets, going at right angles to the river, is ZigZag's frantically galloping trio - ZigZag, Phido, and horse.
below in winding
Dissolve to a top shot of the entire terrain, the Golden City the left-hand corner, the tiny boat making its way up a river into the desert, and ZigZag riding into the mountains.
The music rises and we slowly fade.
Fade in sunrise - gold on gold. The sail on the gondola billows in the morn ing breeze as the boat lands at a small dock. The great Golden Desert spreads before them. The Cobbler leads the Camel down the gang-plank and the four Eunuchs bear the palanquin behind. Once ashore, the palanquin is set down and both princesses and Bubba
THERE. . . THERE. . .
The camel turns around and, seeing Prince Bubba for the first time, starts to wheeze and snicker and he collapses onto his knees. Bubba and MeeMee disappear into the curtaining and the Cobbler turns around to see just YumYum smiling at him.
The Cobbler and the Eunuchs load the Camel with provisions from the gondola.
Cut to a porthole of the gondola deck cabin. The Thief peers out, sees an anchor standing on the deck. He squeezes himself through the porthole onto the deck, and, careful to see that no-one is looking, gets the anchor inside his coat and sneaks forward. The curve of the anchor base makes him rock forward and backward as he goes along, and he's brought to a stop at the mooring rope. Looking around again to see that no-one is looking, he lifts the anchor and gingerly makes his way out onto the mooring rope, which is stretched taut. Two or three steps along, he disappears with the anchor into the water. Splash!
Bubba's head pops out of the palanquin curtains.
WHAT WAS THAT?!
The others all look around and see nothing. Prince Bubba again, and they stare at each other. to laugh, expelling air - wheezing and heaving.
The Cobbler, with enormous difficulty, works the Camel's back
Cut to the Thief, under water. The anchor is standing upright and the Thief's head, with his cheeks full of air, is stuck through the rope hole at the top of the anchor, his body kicking and struggling, floating horizontally. He hangs on to the anchor with his hands, unwilling to let go of his prize. For a moment, all is suspended as he tries to think what to do next.
Cut back to the Cobbler, now pushing the front end of the Camel The Camel begins to go backwards.
Cut back to the Thief, still under water. He can no longer hold his breath, and lets the air out of his cheeks and shoots, like a
bullet, up to the surface. Cut to the dock as the Thief bursts out of the water and, like
a sponge, lands flat on the dock. The Camel, still backing up, steps back onto the dock where he walks all over the Thief, just missing his body but squooshing the sopping wet robe. Then the Camel walks forward again and the Thief, like some sort of sea animal, slithers backwards, unseen, over the edge
of the dock, into the water.
MeeMee pokes her head out of the palanquin draperies and says angrily to the Cobbler:
INCOMPETENT FOOL! WHA T IS T AK ING SO LONG?
(poking his head out, too) YETH! LETH GO!
The Cobbler turns around, sees MeeMee glaring at him, and, mistaking her for YumYum, is shocked and hurt. The Camel turns around, sees Prince Bubba a third time, and breaks up laughing. As he starts to collapse, the Cobbler dashes around, shoring up the Camel's legs. MeeMee and the Prince withdraw into the curtains.
The Eunuchs lift the palanquin, the Cobbler leads the Camel, and the party sets off. The Thief behind a mooring pole squeezes the water from his robes.
We slowly truck out, showing the tiny caravan moving into the enormous desert before them. The camera then travels ahead of them into the vast emptiness.
Dissolve to a tiny spot in the middle of the empty desert. The camera moves in to a colony of tattered Brigands. They have mocked-up clotheslines made of old bones and string and bits of burlap sacking for an attempt at shade. There is a central tree made of vulture bones. Forty Brigands sit, hopelessly, stultified, bored.