Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

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Philosophers Song" was released on 10/31/2006.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'

'Bout the raising of the wrist.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away;
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

Philosophers mentioned in the song (in order):

  1. Immanuel Kant

  2. Martin Heidegger

  3. David Hume

  4. Arthur Schopenhauer (some versions)

  5. G.W.F. Hegel

  6. Ludwig Wittgenstein

  7. Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel and/or August Wilhelm Schlegel

  8. Friedrich Nietzsche

  9. Socrates (the only one mentioned twice in the song)

  10. John Stuart Mill

  11. Plato

  12. Aristotle

  13. Thomas Hobbes

  14. René Descartes

Philosophical references

Some of the philosophers are portrayed according to their works.

  • Kant being "very rarely stable" harkens to his theory of a stable universe.

  • John Stuart Mill becoming ill "of his own free will" alludes to his work On Liberty, which argues for liberty that does no harm to others.

  • Plato is, famously, the author of the dialogue Symposium, taking place at a drinking party, as the title itself says. Socrates appears prominently in it.

  • The Descartes line, "I drink therefore I am", is a twist on his well known phrase "Cogito, ergo sum," or "I think therefore I am".

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