Episode 11: Sirens (Literary technique: Fuga per canonem (fugue or polyphony by rule: weaving of various voices and motifs in counterpoint to one another). Art: Music. Time: 38 40 pm. Place: Ormond Hotel



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Movement 2: At Bella Cohen’s.

Bloom turns into Lower Tyrone (Railway) St. and reaches Bella Cohen’s at No. 82, which Joyce changes to 81. Mrs. Mack’s is at No. 85. Both dwellings now gone, but the convent which housed St. Mary’s Penitent Retreat, a laundry for reformed prostitutes, still stands. The part of the covent on Gloucester (now Sean MacDermott) Street was in 1904 known as St. Mary Magdalen’s Asylum, for which Bloom falsely claims to Mrs. Breen that he was the secretary. It is now know as the Gloucester Street Convent and Laundry.
Bloom is accosted by one of Bella’s girls, Zoe Higgins, who confirms that Stephen is inside. Zoe takes Bloom’s talismatic potato (his moly) and her request for a cigarette produces a “stump speech” and a vision of Bloom as Lord Mayor of Dublin and a rise and fall that evokes that of Parnell.
ZOE: Are you looking for someone? He's inside with his friend.
BLOOM: Is this Mrs Mack's?
ZOE: No, eightyone. Mrs Cohen's. You might go farther and fare worse.

Mother Slipperslapper. (FAMILIARLY) She's on the job herself tonight with

the vet her tipster that gives her all the winners and pays for her son

in Oxford. Working overtime but her luck's turned today. (SUSPICIOUSLY)

You're not his father, are you?
BLOOM: Not I!
ZOE: You both in black. Has little mousey any tickles tonight?
(HIS SKIN, ALERT, FEELS HER FINGERTIPS APPROACH. A HAND GLIDES OVER HIS

LEFT THIGH.)
ZOE: How's the nuts?
BLOOM: Off side. Curiously they are on the right. Heavier, I suppose. One

in a million my tailor, Mesias, says.
ZOE: (IN SUDDEN ALARM) You've a hard chancre.
BLOOM: Not likely.
ZOE: I feel it.
(HER HAND SLIDES INTO HIS LEFT TROUSER POCKET AND BRINGS OUT A HARD BLACK

SHRIVELLED POTATO. SHE REGARDS IT AND BLOOM WITH DUMB MOIST LIPS.)
BLOOM: A talisman. Heirloom.
ZOE: For Zoe? For keeps? For being so nice, eh?
(SHE PUTS THE POTATO GREEDILY INTO A POCKET THEN LINKS HIS ARM, CUDDLING

HIM WITH SUPPLE WARMTH. HE SMILES UNEASILY. SLOWLY, NOTE BY NOTE,

ORIENTAL MUSIC IS PLAYED. HE GAZES IN THE TAWNY CRYSTAL OF HER EYES,

RINGED WITH KOHOL. HIS SMILE SOFTENS.)
ZOE: You'll know me the next time.
BLOOM: (FORLORNLY) I never loved a dear gazelle but it was sure to ...
(GAZELLES ARE LEAPING, FEEDING ON THE MOUNTAINS. NEAR ARE LAKES. ROUND

THEIR SHORES FILE SHADOWS BLACK OF CEDARGROVES. AROMA RISES, A STRONG

HAIRGROWTH OF RESIN. IT BURNS, THE ORIENT, A SKY OF SAPPHIRE, CLEFT BY

THE BRONZE FLIGHT OF EAGLES. UNDER IT LIES THE WOMANCITY NUDE, WHITE,

STILL, COOL, IN LUXURY. A FOUNTAIN MURMURS AMONG DAMASK ROSES. MAMMOTH

ROSES MURMUR OF SCARLET WINEGRAPES. A WINE OF SHAME, LUST, BLOOD EXUDES,

STRANGELY MURMURING.)
ZOE: (MURMURING SINGSONG WITH THE MUSIC, HER ODALISK LIPS LUSCIOUSLY

SMEARED WITH SALVE OF SWINEFAT AND ROSEWATER) SCHORACH ANI WENOWACH,

BENOITH HIERUSHALOIM.
BLOOM: (FASCINATED) I thought you were of good stock by your accent.
ZOE: And you know what thought did?
(SHE BITES HIS EAR GENTLY WITH LITTLE GOLDSTOPPED TEETH, SENDING ON HIM A

CLOYING BREATH OF STALE GARLIC. THE ROSES DRAW APART, DISCLOSE A

SEPULCHRE OF THE GOLD OF KINGS AND THEIR MOULDERING BONES.)
BLOOM: (DRAWS BACK, MECHANICALLY CARESSING HER RIGHT BUB WITH A FLAT

AWKWARD HAND) Are you a Dublin girl?
ZOE: (CATCHES A STRAY HAIR DEFTLY AND TWISTS IT TO HER COIL) No bloody

fear. I'm English. Have you a swaggerroot?
BLOOM: (AS BEFORE) Rarely smoke, dear. Cigar now and then. Childish

device. (LEWDLY) The mouth can be better engaged than with a cylinder of

rank weed.
ZOE: Go on. Make a stump speech out of it.
BLOOM: (IN WORKMAN'S CORDUROY OVERALLS, BLACK GANSY WITH RED FLOATING TIE

AND APACHE CAP) Mankind is incorrigible. Sir Walter Ralegh brought from

the new world that potato and that weed, the one a killer of pestilence

by absorption, the other a poisoner of the ear, eye, heart, memory, will

understanding, all. That is to say he brought the poison a hundred years

before another person whose name I forget brought the food. Suicide.

Lies. All our habits. Why, look at our public life!
Bloom becomes Alderman of Dublin and addresses his electors. He is cheered, greeted, and congratulated. The sequence explores and expands the most secret desres of Bloom for recognition, acceptance, approval. His daydreams of success and triumph are realized in a glowing riot of ceremony and acclamation.
(MIDNIGHT CHIMES FROM DISTANT STEEPLES.)
THE CHIMES: Turn again, Leopold! Lord mayor of Dublin!
BLOOM: (IN ALDERMAN'S GOWN AND CHAIN) Electors of Arran Quay, Inns Quay,

Rotunda, Mountjoy and North Dock, better run a tramline, I say, from the

cattlemarket to the river. That's the music of the future. That's my

programme. CUI BONO? But our bucaneering Vanderdeckens in their phantom

ship of finance ...
AN ELECTOR: Three times three for our future chief magistrate!
(THE AURORA BOREALIS OF THE TORCHLIGHT PROCESSION LEAPS.)

THE TORCHBEARERS: Hooray!
(SEVERAL WELLKNOWN BURGESSES, CITY MAGNATES AND FREEMEN OF THE CITY SHAKE

HANDS WITH BLOOM AND CONGRATULATE HIM. TIMOTHY HARRINGTON, LATE THRICE

LORD MAYOR OF DUBLIN, IMPOSING IN MAYORAL SCARLET, GOLD CHAIN AND WHITE

SILK TIE, CONFERS WITH COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK, LOCUM TENENS. THEY NOD

VIGOROUSLY IN AGREEMENT.)
LATE LORD MAYOR HARRINGTON: (IN SCARLET ROBE WITH MACE, GOLD MAYORAL

CHAIN AND LARGE WHITE SILK SCARF) That alderman sir Leo Bloom's speech be

printed at the expense of the ratepayers. That the house in which he was

born be ornamented with a commemorative tablet and that the thoroughfare

hitherto known as Cow Parlour off Cork street be henceforth designated

Boulevard Bloom.
COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK: Carried unanimously.
BLOOM: (IMPASSIONEDLY) These flying Dutchmen or lying Dutchmen as they

recline in their upholstered poop, casting dice, what reck they? Machines

is their cry, their chimera, their panacea. Laboursaving apparatuses,

supplanters, bugbears, manufactured monsters for mutual murder, hideous

hobgoblins produced by a horde of capitalistic lusts upon our prostituted

labour. The poor man starves while they are grassing their royal mountain

stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their purblind pomp of pelf

and power. But their reign is rover for rever and ever and ev ...
(PROLONGED APPLAUSE. VENETIAN MASTS, MAYPOLES AND FESTAL ARCHES SPRING

UP. A STREAMER BEARING THE LEGENDS Cead Mile Failte AND Mah Ttob Melek

Israel SPANS THE STREET. ALL THE WINDOWS ARE THRONGED WITH SIGHTSEERS,

CHIEFLY LADIES. ALONG THE ROUTE THE REGIMENTS OF THE ROYAL DUBLIN

FUSILIERS, THE KING'S OWN SCOTTISH BORDERERS, THE CAMERON HIGHLANDERS AND

THE WELSH FUSILIERS STANDING TO ATTENTION, KEEP BACK THE CROWD. BOYS FROM

HIGH SCHOOL ARE PERCHED ON THE LAMPPOSTS, TELEGRAPH POLES, WINDOWSILLS,

CORNICES, GUTTERS, CHIMNEYPOTS, RAILINGS, RAINSPOUTS, WHISTLING AND

CHEERING THE PILLAR OF THE CLOUD APPEARS. A FIFE AND DRUM BAND IS HEARD

IN THE DISTANCE PLAYING THE KOL NIDRE. THE BEATERS APPROACH WITH IMPERIAL

EAGLES HOISTED, TRAILING BANNERS AND WAVING ORIENTAL PALMS. THE

CHRYSELEPHANTINE PAPAL STANDARD RISES HIGH, SURROUNDED BY PENNONS OF THE

CIVIC FLAG. THE VAN OF THE PROCESSION APPEARS HEADED BY JOHN HOWARD

PARNELL, CITY MARSHAL, IN A CHESSBOARD TABARD, THE ATHLONE POURSUIVANT

AND ULSTER KING OF ARMS. THEY ARE FOLLOWED BY THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOSEPH

HUTCHINSON, LORD MAYOR OF DUBLIN, HIS LORDSHIP THE LORD MAYOR OF CORK,

THEIR WORSHIPS THE MAYORS OF LIMERICK, GALWAY, SLIGO AND WATERFORD,

TWENTYEIGHT IRISH REPRESENTATIVE PEERS, SIRDARS, GRANDEES AND MAHARAJAHS

BEARING THE CLOTH OF ESTATE, THE DUBLIN METROPOLITAN FIRE BRIGADE, THE

CHAPTER OF THE SAINTS OF FINANCE IN THEIR PLUTOCRATIC ORDER OF

PRECEDENCE, THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR, HIS EMINENCE MICHAEL CARDINAL

LOGUE, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH, PRIMATE OF ALL IRELAND, HIS GRACE, THE MOST

REVEREND DR WILLIAM ALEXANDER, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH, PRIMATE OF ALL

IRELAND, THE CHIEF RABBI, THE PRESBYTERIAN MODERATOR, THE HEADS OF THE

BAPTIST, ANABAPTIST, METHODIST AND MORAVIAN CHAPELS AND THE HONORARY

SECRETARY OF THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS. AFTER THEM MARCH THE GUILDS AND

TRADES AND TRAINBANDS WITH FLYING COLOURS: COOPERS, BIRD FANCIERS,

MILLWRIGHTS, NEWSPAPER CANVASSERS, LAW SCRIVENERS, MASSEURS, VINTNERS,

TRUSSMAKERS, CHIMNEYSWEEPS, LARD REFINERS, TABINET AND POPLIN WEAVERS,

FARRIERS, ITALIAN WAREHOUSEMEN, CHURCH DECORATORS, BOOTJACK

MANUFACTURERS, UNDERTAKERS, SILK MERCERS, LAPIDARIES, SALESMASTERS,

CORKCUTTERS, ASSESSORS OF FIRE LOSSES, DYERS AND CLEANERS, EXPORT

BOTTLERS, FELLMONGERS, TICKETWRITERS, HERALDIC SEAL ENGRAVERS, HORSE

REPOSITORY HANDS, BULLION BROKERS, CRICKET AND ARCHERY OUTFITTERS,

RIDDLEMAKERS, EGG AND POTATO FACTORS, HOSIERS AND GLOVERS, PLUMBING

CONTRACTORS. AFTER THEM MARCH GENTLEMEN OF THE BEDCHAMBER, BLACK ROD,

DEPUTY GARTER, GOLD STICK, THE MASTER OF HORSE, THE LORD GREAT

CHAMBERLAIN, THE EARL MARSHAL, THE HIGH CONSTABLE CARRYING THE SWORD OF

STATE, SAINT STEPHEN'S IRON CROWN, THE CHALICE AND BIBLE. FOUR BUGLERS ON

FOOT BLOW A SENNET. BEEFEATERS REPLY, WINDING CLARIONS OF WELCOME. UNDER

AN ARCH OF TRIUMPH BLOOM APPEARS, BAREHEADED, IN A CRIMSON VELVET MANTLE

TRIMMED WITH ERMINE, BEARING SAINT EDWARD'S STAFF THE ORB AND SCEPTRE

WITH THE DOVE, THE CURTANA. HE IS SEATED ON A MILKWHITE HORSE WITH LONG

FLOWING CRIMSON TAIL, RICHLY CAPARISONED, WITH GOLDEN HEADSTALL. WILD

EXCITEMENT. THE LADIES FROM THEIR BALCONIES THROW DOWN ROSEPETALS. THE

AIR IS PERFUMED WITH ESSENCES. THE MEN CHEER. BLOOM'S BOYS RUN AMID THE

BYSTANDERS WITH BRANCHES OF HAWTHORN AND WRENBUSHES.)
BLOOM'S BOYS:

The wren, the wren,

The king of all birds,

Saint Stephen's his day

Was caught in the furze.

A BLACKSMITH: (MURMURS) For the honour of God! And is that Bloom? He

scarcely looks thirtyone.
A PAVIOR AND FLAGGER: That's the famous Bloom now, the world's greatest

reformer. Hats off!
(ALL UNCOVER THEIR HEADS. WOMEN WHISPER EAGERLY.)
A MILLIONAIRESS: (RICHLY) Isn't he simply wonderful?
A NOBLEWOMAN: (NOBLY) All that man has seen!
A FEMINIST: (MASCULINELY) And done!
A BELLHANGER: A classic face! He has the forehead of a thinker.
(BLOOM'S WEATHER. A SUNBURST APPEARS IN THE NORTHWEST.)
THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR: I here present your undoubted emperor-

president and king-chairman, the most serene and potent and very puissant

ruler of this realm. God save Leopold the First!
ALL: God save Leopold the First!
BLOOM: (IN DALMATIC AND PURPLE MANTLE, TO THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR,

WITH DIGNITY) Thanks, somewhat eminent sir.
WILLIAM, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (IN PURPLE STOCK AND SHOVEL HAT) Will you

to your power cause law and mercy to be executed in all your judgments in

Ireland and territories thereunto belonging?
BLOOM: (PLACING HIS RIGHT HAND ON HIS TESTICLES, SWEARS) So may the

Creator deal with me. All this I promise to do.
MICHAEL, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (POURS A CRUSE OF HAIROIL OVER BLOOM'S

HEAD) GAUDIUM MAGNUM ANNUNTIO VOBIS. HABEMUS CARNEFICEM. Leopold,

Patrick, Andrew, David, George, be thou anointed!
(BLOOM ASSUMES A MANTLE OF CLOTH OF GOLD AND PUTS ON A RUBY RING. HE

ASCENDS AND STANDS ON THE STONE OF DESTINY. THE REPRESENTATIVE PEERS PUT

ON AT THE SAME TIME THEIR TWENTYEIGHT CROWNS. JOYBELLS RING IN CHRIST

CHURCH, SAINT PATRICK'S, GEORGE'S AND GAY MALAHIDE. MIRUS BAZAAR

FIREWORKS GO UP FROM ALL SIDES WITH SYMBOLICAL PHALLOPYROTECHNIC DESIGNS.

THE PEERS DO HOMAGE, ONE BY ONE, APPROACHING AND GENUFLECTING.)
THE PEERS: I do become your liege man of life and limb to earthly

worship.
(BLOOM HOLDS UP HIS RIGHT HAND ON WHICH SPARKLES THE KOH-I-NOOR DIAMOND.

HIS PALFREY NEIGHS. IMMEDIATE SILENCE. WIRELESS INTERCONTINENTAL AND

INTERPLANETARY TRANSMITTERS ARE SET FOR RECEPTION OF MESSAGE.)
BLOOM: My subjects! We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix

hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we have this day repudiated our

former spouse and have bestowed our royal hand upon the princess Selene,

the splendour of night.
(THE FORMER MORGANATIC SPOUSE OF BLOOM IS HASTILY REMOVED IN THE BLACK

MARIA. THE PRINCESS SELENE, IN MOONBLUE ROBES, A SILVER CRESCENT ON HER

HEAD, DESCENDS FROM A SEDAN CHAIR, BORNE BY TWO GIANTS. AN OUTBURST OF

CHEERING.)
JOHN HOWARD PARNELL: (RAISES THE ROYAL STANDARD) Illustrious Bloom!

Successor to my famous brother!
BLOOM: (EMBRACES JOHN HOWARD PARNELL) We thank you from our heart, John,

for this right royal welcome to green Erin, the promised land of our

common ancestors.
(THE FREEDOM OF THE CITY IS PRESENTED TO HIM EMBODIED IN A CHARTER. THE

KEYS OF DUBLIN, CROSSED ON A CRIMSON CUSHION, ARE GIVEN TO HIM. HE SHOWS

ALL THAT HE IS WEARING GREEN SOCKS.)
TOM KERNAN: You deserve it, your honour.
BLOOM: On this day twenty years ago we overcame the hereditary enemy at

Ladysmith. Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with

telling effect. Half a league onward! They charge! All is lost now! Do we

yield? No! We drive them headlong! Lo! We charge! Deploying to the left

our light horse swept across the heights of Plevna and, uttering their

warcry BONAFIDE SABAOTH, sabred the Saracen gunners to a man.
THE CHAPEL OF FREEMAN TYPESETTERS: Hear! Hear!
JOHN WYSE NOLAN: There's the man that got away James Stephens.
A BLUECOAT SCHOOLBOY: Bravo!
AN OLD RESIDENT: You're a credit to your country, sir, that's what you

are.
AN APPLEWOMAN: He's a man like Ireland wants.
BLOOM: My beloved subjects, a new era is about to dawn. I, Bloom, tell

you verily it is even now at hand. Yea, on the word of a Bloom, ye shall

ere long enter into the golden city which is to be, the new Bloomusalem

in the Nova Hibernia of the future.
The first dissenting word comes from the man in the macintosh who claims that Bloom is an impostor, whose real name is Higgins (Bloom’s mother’s maiden name). Bloom orders him shot. From Bloom the popular, Bloom the triumphant, Bloom the all-powerful, he becomes Bloom the generous--the dispenser of gifts.
(THIRTYTWO WORKMEN, WEARING ROSETTES, FROM ALL THE COUNTIES OF IRELAND,

UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF DERWAN THE BUILDER, CONSTRUCT THE NEW BLOOMUSALEM.

IT IS A COLOSSAL EDIFICE WITH CRYSTAL ROOF, BUILT IN THE SHAPE OF A HUGE

PORK KIDNEY, CONTAINING FORTY THOUSAND ROOMS. IN THE COURSE OF ITS

EXTENSION SEVERAL BUILDINGS AND MONUMENTS ARE DEMOLISHED. GOVERNMENT

OFFICES ARE TEMPORARILY TRANSFERRED TO RAILWAY SHEDS. NUMEROUS HOUSES ARE

RAZED TO THE GROUND. THE INHABITANTS ARE LODGED IN BARRELS AND BOXES, ALL

MARKED IN RED WITH THE LETTERS: L. B. SEVERAL PAUPERS FILL FROM A LADDER.

A PART OF THE WALLS OF DUBLIN, CROWDED WITH LOYAL SIGHTSEERS, COLLAPSES.)
THE SIGHTSEERS: (DYING) MORITURI TE SALUTANT. (THEY DIE)
(A MAN IN A BROWN MACINTOSH SPRINGS UP THROUGH A TRAPDOOR. HE POINTS AN

ELONGATED FINGER AT BLOOM.)
THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH: Don't you believe a word he says. That man is

Leopold M'Intosh, the notorious fireraiser. His real name is Higgins.
BLOOM: Shoot him! Dog of a christian! So much for M'Intosh!
(A CANNONSHOT. THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH DISAPPEARS. BLOOM WITH HIS

SCEPTRE STRIKES DOWN POPPIES. THE INSTANTANEOUS DEATHS OF MANY POWERFUL

ENEMIES, GRAZIERS, MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT, MEMBERS OF STANDING COMMITTEES,

ARE REPORTED. BLOOM'S BODYGUARD DISTRIBUTE MAUNDY MONEY, COMMEMORATION

MEDALS, LOAVES AND FISHES, TEMPERANCE BADGES, EXPENSIVE HENRY CLAY

CIGARS, FREE COWBONES FOR SOUP, RUBBER PRESERVATIVES IN SEALED ENVELOPES

TIED WITH GOLD THREAD, BUTTER SCOTCH, PINEAPPLE ROCK, billets doux IN THE

FORM OF COCKED HATS, READYMADE SUITS, PORRINGERS OF TOAD IN THE HOLE,

BOTTLES OF JEYES' FLUID, PURCHASE STAMPS, 40 DAYS' INDULGENCES, SPURIOUS

COINS, DAIRYFED PORK SAUSAGES, THEATRE PASSES, SEASON TICKETS AVAILABLE

FOR ALL TRAMLINES, COUPONS OF THE ROYAL AND PRIVILEGED HUNGARIAN LOTTERY,

PENNY DINNER COUNTERS, CHEAP REPRINTS OF THE WORLD'S TWELVE WORST BOOKS:

FROGGY AND FRITZ (POLITIC), CARE OF THE BABY (INFANTILIC), 50 MEALS FOR

7/6 (CULINIC), WAS JESUS A SUN MYTH? (HISTORIC), EXPEL THAT PAIN (MEDIC),

INFANT'S COMPENDIUM OF THE UNIVERSE (COSMIC), LET'S ALL CHORTLE

(HILARIC), CANVASSER'S VADE MECUM (JOURNALIC), LOVELETTERS OF MOTHER

ASSISTANT (EROTIC), WHO'S WHO IN SPACE (ASTRIC), SONGS THAT REACHED OUR

HEART (MELODIC), PENNYWISE'S WAY TO WEALTH (PARSIMONIC). A GENERAL RUSH

AND SCRAMBLE. WOMEN PRESS FORWARD TO TOUCH THE HEM OF BLOOM'S ROBE. THE

LADY GWENDOLEN DUBEDAT BURSTS THROUGH THE THRONG, LEAPS ON HIS HORSE AND

KISSES HIM ON BOTH CHEEKS AMID GREAT ACCLAMATION. A MAGNESIUM FLASHLIGHT

PHOTOGRAPH IS TAKEN. BABES AND SUCKLINGS ARE HELD UP.)
THE WOMEN: Little father! Little father!
THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS:

Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home,

Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.

(BLOOM, BENDING DOWN, POKES BABY BOARDMAN GENTLY IN THE STOMACH.)
BABY BOARDMAN: (HICCUPS, CURDLED MILK FLOWING FROM HIS MOUTH) Hajajaja.
BLOOM: (SHAKING HANDS WITH A BLIND STRIPLING) My more than Brother!

(PLACING HIS ARMS ROUND THE SHOULDERS OF AN OLD COUPLE) Dear old friends!

(HE PLAYS PUSSY FOURCORNERS WITH RAGGED BOYS AND GIRLS) Peep! Bopeep! (HE

WHEELS TWINS IN A PERAMBULATOR) Ticktacktwo wouldyousetashoe? (HE

PERFORMS JUGGLER'S TRICKS, DRAWS RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, GREEN, BLUE, INDIGO

AND VIOLET SILK HANDKERCHIEFS FROM HIS MOUTH) Roygbiv. 32 feet per

second. (HE CONSOLES A WIDOW) Absence makes the heart grow younger. (HE

DANCES THE HIGHLAND FLING WITH GROTESQUE ANTICS) Leg it, ye devils! (HE

KISSES THE BEDSORES OF A PALSIED VETERAN) Honourable wounds! (HE TRIPS UP

A FIT POLICEMAN) U. p: up. U. p: up. (HE WHISPERS IN THE EAR OF A

BLUSHING WAITRESS AND LAUGHS KINDLY) Ah, naughty, naughty! (HE EATS A RAW

TURNIP OFFERED HIM BY MAURICE BUTTERLY, FARMER) Fine! Splendid! (HE

REFUSES TO ACCEPT THREE SHILLINGS OFFERED HIM BY JOSEPH HYNES,

JOURNALIST) My dear fellow, not at all! (HE GIVES HIS COAT TO A BEGGAR)

Please accept. (HE TAKES PART IN A STOMACH RACE WITH ELDERLY MALE AND

FEMALE CRIPPLES) Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls!
THE CITIZEN: (CHOKED WITH EMOTION, BRUSHES ASIDE A TEAR IN HIS EMERALD

MUFFLER) May the good God bless him!
(THE RAMS' HORNS SOUND FOR SILENCE. THE STANDARD OF ZION IS HOISTED.)
BLOOM: (UNCLOAKS IMPRESSIVELY, REVEALING OBESITY, UNROLLS A PAPER AND

READS SOLEMNLY) Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom

Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim

Meshuggah Talith.
(AN OFFICIAL TRANSLATION IS READ BY JIMMY HENRY, ASSISTANT TOWN CLERK.)
JIMMY HENRY: The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic

Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal

advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited.

Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the Paradisiacal

Era.
PADDY LEONARD: What am I to do about my rates and taxes?
BLOOM: Pay them, my friend.
PADDY LEONARD: Thank you.
NOSEY FLYNN: Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?
BLOOM: (OBDURATELY) Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are

bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five

pounds.
J. J. O'MOLLOY: A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O'Brien!
NOSEY FLYNN: Where do I draw the five pounds?
PISSER BURKE: For bladder trouble?
BLOOM:

ACID. NIT. HYDROCHLOR. DIL., 20 minims

TINCT. NUX VOM., 5 minims

EXTR. TARAXEL. IIQ., 30 minims.

AQ. DIS. TER IN DIE.

CHRIS CALLINAN: What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of

Aldebaran?
BLOOM: Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. II.
JOE HYNES: Why aren't you in uniform?
BLOOM: When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the

Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours?
BEN DOLLARD: Pansies?
BLOOM: Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens.
BEN DOLLARD: When twins arrive?
BLOOM: Father (pater, dad) starts thinking.
LARRY O'ROURKE: An eightday licence for my new premises. You remember me,

sir Leo, when you were in number seven. I'm sending around a dozen of

stout for the missus.
BLOOM: (COLDLY) You have the advantage of me. Lady Bloom accepts no

presents.
CROFTON: This is indeed a festivity.
BLOOM: (SOLEMNLY) You call it a festivity. I call it a sacrament.
ALEXANDER KEYES: When will we have our own house of keys?
BLOOM: I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten

commandments. New worlds for old. Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile.

Three acres and a cow for all children of nature. Saloon motor hearses.

Compulsory manual labour for all. All parks open to the public day and

night. Electric dishscrubbers. Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy

must now cease. General amnesty, weekly carnival with masked licence,

bonuses for all, esperanto the universal language with universal

brotherhood. No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors.

Free money, free rent, free love and a free lay church in a free lay

state.


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