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COLLECTED IN 1991

I never made a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Mickey Mouse got a Dan Quayle watch for his birthday.

Don't panic. But organic.

Plant a tree.

I want a Lambadamy.

San Andreas: it's our fault.

No blood for oil.

Are you willing to die for Exxon?

If the Iraqis won't see the light, nuke 'em till they glow.

This car explodes on contact.

I love my home brew.

LOVE: Life Offers Valuable Experience.

I never met a millionaire I didn't like.

Support your local firefighters. Build with concrete.

I'd rather be curling.

A woman's place is everywhere.

If I can't find true love, I'll settle for lots of money.

Sadam, kiss my gas.

Look out! I just turned 16.

Visualize a thriving defense industry.

If guns aren't outlawed, my in-laws will have guns.

My other car is a lot like this one.

Honk if you love noise.

I'd rather be destroying the ozone layer-- oops, I already am.

I hate your dog.

Just stop it.

Only elephants should wear ivory.

I'm never lost. Everyone tells me where to go.

Praise the Goddess, and pass the petition.

Conan the Librarian.

Catch a train to reality.

American wilderness: love it or leave it alone.

Attitude makes the difference.

If there's a will, I want to be in it.

I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there.

Congressional corruption: a renewable resource.

Cast your bread upon the waters. Even sharks got to live.

I spent most of my money on beer and women. The rest I wasted.

Make my Earth Day.

I sold drugs to Dan Quayle.

Life's a broken cookie.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men only need a place.

Your home is under your hat.

Hell hath no pizza.

Business before indictment.

The bigger they are, the more likely they're fake.

Save the rainforests. 30 billion insects can't be wrong.

I dreamed I had insomnia.

Armed and looking for God.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

What do I save for a rainy day if the best things in life

are free?

Never let anything mechanical know you're in a hurry.

I've seen God too many times to believe in Him.

An over-sexed person is just more prone.

Ron Reagan for president.

Know your enema.

I know I'm going to heaven, cuz I've spent my time in hell.

An ounce of prevention comes in packs of threes.

Car bomb.

The revolution will not be televized.

You're beautiful and I'm broke, but you'll get old and I'll

get rich.

To get ahead you've got to think the worst.

George Bush was born on third base, and always thought he'd

hit a triple.

It's easy to tell a Norwegian, but you can't tell him much.

My dream is to someday make enough money to live the way

my kids do.

Don't panic. There's always welfare.

The rooster crows, but the hen delivers.

Scuba is the only sport where you can get swallowed whole.

Anita Hill for president.

Peace through impeachment.

Stretch your mind, and it'll never go back.

Savoy Truffle.

You're so sexy when you're territorial.

Freedom of the press is alive at the U.S. mint.

Why did kamikazi pilots wear helmets?

He who lives by the sword gets flooded less than he who

lives by the river.

David Duke is A-O-KKK.

Life begins when you start minding your own business.

Get a real job. Be a housewife.

The big things don't worry me, cuz I don't have the little

things figured out.

FART: Fathers Against Radical Teenagers.

If Mother Earth dies, there will be no orphans left to

mourn her.

I hate to beg when sex isn't involved.

Hard work pays off in the end. Laziness pays off now.

Save a planet. Kill a car.

We're professionals. Don't try this at home.



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