COLLECTED IN 1990
U.S. out of North America.
must be an easier way
, but finding it is so hard.
Sex drive: what starts in adolescence and ends in marriage.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Women hold up half the sky.
Treat her like a thoroughbred, and she won't act like a nag.
Do not wash this car. It's undergoing a scientific dirt test.
I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I may be old, but I can still get hot.
am a living
, breathing Oregonism.
Aliens have possessed my children.
Don't talk about yourself. We'll do that after you're gone.
Life is what happens when you can't get to sleep.
Visualize nuclear holocaust.
My matatu is fantastic.
Animals are kind to dumb people.
Ex-wife for sale. Just take over the payments.
My credit is so bad they won't even take my cash.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Lifestyles of the poor and unknown.
I brake for penguins.
The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Don't laugh. Your daughter may be in this car.
Poo poo occurs.
Sex cures headaches.
Lead me not into temptation, for I'll find it myself.
Don't start with me. You know how I get.
I own hell. My boss just gave it to me.
Be kind to animals, or I'll bite you.
Life, limb and property are no longer
safe when the legislature
is in session.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I can't be fired. Slaves have to be sold.
My other car is a spaceship.
I can do without the necessities. It's the luxuries I miss.
My limo is in the shop.
My son and all my money go to the University of Colorado.
Elvis is dead, but at least he isn't gaining any more weight.
I'd rather be going 500 M.P.H.
Write women back into history.
Against abortion? Don't have one.
I'm only stubborn when I don't get my way.
Go for Baroque.
Is this life, or what?
Libraries will get you through times of no money better than
money will get you through times of no libraries.
live with them
, can't kill them.
Recycle or die.
Once you're born, the worst has already happened.
I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.
George, you promised.... No new taxes.
Just do do.
Peace through music.
I brake for the blues.
If a hammer's your only tool, all problems look like nails.
I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
God wrote it. I believe it. That settles it. (In Arabic-
This is illegal.
I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker.
My shrink didn't think I was crazy till I paid him.
I got off drugs. Now I'm square and goofy.
We came, we saw, we did a little shopping.
The sky is falling. Film at eleven.
are the grateful dead
, and why do they keep following me?
Lost and spaced.
Beat the system. Unplug the computer.
The only thing that lasts is death.
I'd rather be doing nothing.
Visualize world peace. I did, and look what happened.
I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
Fundamentalism is mind-death.
My wife said if I go fishing one more time, she's going to
leave me. God, I'm going to miss her!
Wavy Gravy for City Council.
I'm not a slob. I'm organizationally challenged.
I brake for milk jugs.
To be is to do. --Socrates
To do is to be.
Do be do be do. --Sinatra
Oz or bust.
It makes a day so long when you get to work on time.
Know your enemies. They are your leaders.
If you're going through hell, don't stop.
Have a nice forever.
U.S. troops out of the Middle East.
I used to do my hair with jumper cables, but now I use
spray paint and pliers.
My life is controlled by invisible cows.
Just say nothing.
It's hard being Hitler and Christ at the same time.
A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket.
Don't worry. Get angry.
Be kind to an animal. Kiss a rugby player.
The forests do not owe the timber industry a living.
This life is a test. It is only a test. If it had been a
, you'd have received further instructions.
It ain't over till Milli Vanilli sings.
I tried to get in touch with my feelings, but I kept getting
my answering machine.
At least I'm smarter than Dan Quayle.
Don't expect much. I was raised on TV.
Using Hunter S. Thompson as a role model.
Caution: over 40. No loud noises or sudden moves.
You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
I can't cope with pastel colors.
"We're the greatest planet on earth." Dan Quayle
Talk's cheap till you hire a lawyer.
Ginger Rogers did
everything Fred Astaire did
, only backwards
and in high heels.
Rebel without portfolio.
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