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I gave up sex and drugs, and it was the worst ten minutes of

my life.

It's all been lovely, but I have to scream now.

Many, many worlds I've seen since I first left home.

If it weren' for women, business would be my only source

of aggravation.

Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

Only visiting.

Stay healthy. Eat your honey.

Visualize impeachment.

I AM dancing.

A bachelor is someone who comes to work from a different

direction every day.

Illiterate? Call 1-800-256-8100.

Invest in taxes. They're bound to go up.

My lawyer can beat up your lawyer.

Just say yes.

Honk if you're above par.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill

your drink.

There's nothing wrong with sex on TV, as long as you don't

fall off.

Well, Toto, we're not in Kanses anymore.

I'm not a cowboy. I just found the hat.

Divorce: the screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Proudly serving my corporate masters.

I'm a quality person with no direction and no focus.

Come back after I've had a few beers.

My wife ran off with a tractor salesman, and I got a

John Deere letter.

They think I'm one of them.

My place or right here?

Rebel without applause.

Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk.

Pobody's nerfect.

I can handle any crisis. I have kids.

I finally get my head together, and my ass falls apart.

Unless you're the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Earth: love it or lose it.

Give me head till I'm dead.

You deserve the best. I'm yours.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Yield. It's more fun.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

I'm a virgin. (This is an old bumpersticker.)

You're perverted, twisted and sick. I like that in a person.

No, just breathing hard.

I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.

Get a complete metaphysical.

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