The Adventures of Lewis & Clark



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The Adventures of Lewis & Clark
CASSIE:

Thank you everyone for your warm and enthusiastic reception. The name of my report is “Every Single Day in the Three Year Long Expedition of Captain Meriwether Lewis and Captain William Clark.” I’m sure that you will find it fascinating as well as lengthy, I mean, through. On the first day of their famous adventure the two young explorers woke up. Then they washed up for breakfast. Then they ate breakfast. Then they washed the dishes. Then they went for a canoe ride. Then they cooked their lunch. Then they ate their lunch. Their lunch was good. It was venison, berries, potatoes…..QUIET! I’M TRYING TO GIVE A REPORT HERE! How rude! Who could this be anyway?
LEWIS, CLARK, YORK, CHARBONNEAU, SACAJAWEA:

We’re back!
SCANNON:

Ruff!
CASSIE:

What? What? What’s going on here? Back? Back from what? Who are you?
LEWIS:

Who are we? Why, we’re Lewis and Clark!
CLARK:

That’s CLARK and Lewis!
LEWIS:

We’re back from the expedition!
CLARK:

Yep, we made it to the Pacific Ocean and back in just two and a half years.
LEWIS:

We would have been here sooner, but that last hundred miles was the pits.
SACAJAWEA:

Yeah, the traffic on the Missouri River was unbelievable!
YORK:

Yeah! It was….
SCANNON:

Ruff!
CASSIE:

Wait a minute! Just wait a long minute here! The expedition of Lewis and Clark…
CLARK:

That’s CLARK and Lewis!

CASSIE:


Don’t try to confuse me, mister. I happen to know that the expedition of Lewis and Clark, Clark and Lewis, or whatever, took place over 200 years ago! In the years 1804-1806.
LEWIS:

Wow, I guess that last hundred miles was harder than I thought!
CASSIE:

You can’t be THE Lewis and Clark!
CLARK:

Do you think we could be THE Clark and Lewis?
CASSIE:

Well, I don’t see how.
LEWIS:

Well, I’m quite certain that I’m Meriwether Lewis, the person commissioned by President of Thomas Jefferson to lead the expedition.
CLARK:

That’s right, he is! And I know I’m William Clark the other victim, I mean Captain, that was asked to make the trip!
CHARBONNEAU:

And I’m Charbonneau, the clumsy guide and interpreter. At least I think I am! Am I?
SACAJAWEA:

I’m Sacajawea, the guide for the group and Charbonneau’s wife.
CHARBONNEAU:

You are? Oh, I mean, yes! You is! I mean, you was! I mean, you are! I mean, I do!
SACAJAWEA:

Oh, brother!
YORK:

I’m certain that I’m Clark’s slave who made the trip. They call me York.
SCANNON:

Ruff! Ruff! I’m the dog, Scannon. Could you tell?
EVERYONE:

Yep! He’s/She’s the dog all right! No doubt about it!
CASSIE:

I’m so confused. My research is sure to come under intense scrutiny if what you are telling me is true!
LEWIS:

Research?
CASSIE:

Yes! You see I was suppose to give a report to the class about the adventures of Lewis and Clark…
CLARK:

That’s…
CASSIE:

Yeah! Yeah! I know CLARK and Lewis! I don’t care if you’re Garfunkel and Simon! My report says that you’ve been home since 1806! Now, why should anyone believe anything I say?
LEWIS:

Don’t get all upset little girl! We’ll explain the whole thing to you!
CLARK:

Yeah! We’ll give you first hand account of our trip!
SACAJAWEA:

It was wonderful!
CHARBONNEAU:

It was eventful!
YORK:

It was eye opening!
SCANNON:

It was ruff!
LEWIS:

Let’s tell her all about it! Hit it Tilley!
HE BALLAD OF LEWIS & CLARK


Verse 1: It was eighteen four, not a day before, we left our homes and families!

For three long years and lots of tears we wandered through the land.

We had no plan to show the way, but to a man we’re glad to say,

The road was long, but like the song, we’re back!


Chorus: They were Lewis and Clark! (clap) Clark and Lewis!

Headin’ West to see what they could find.

Yes, they’re Lewis and Clark! (clap) Clark and Lewis!

Doin’ their best for all of humankind.


Verse 2: They headed out of St. Louis and up the wide Missouri.

Sent by Thomas Jefferson to see what they could see.

To do their best and see the west, they couldn’t wait, they couldn’t rest.

They paved the way for new discovery.


Verse 3: There were forty seven men in all and a guide Sacajawea.

A man called York, a great big dog and an oaf named Charbonneau.

Two keel boats in which to cruise, guns and gifts and two canoes,

No one knew exactly where they’d go!


CASSIE:


Well, I’m still not totally convinced, but this sure is going to make for an interesting report!
YORK:

And have we got stories to tell you!
CASSIE:

Since I’ve got you here, I may as well check a few of my facts.
CHARBONNEAU:

Shoot lady! Well, don’t exactly shoot, we’ve had quite enough of that for a while.
YORK:

That’s for sure! Tell her how you shot Captain Lewis right in the rear ‘cause you thought he was an elk, Charbonneau.
SCANNON:

Oooo yeah! That was ruff!
CHARBONNEAU:

Oh, she doesn’t want to hear about that!
LEWIS:

Neither do I!
CASSIE:

What I don’t understand is why President Jefferson was so keen on having you do the trip in the first place.
LEWIS:

Well, President Jefferson had sent two very capable fellow…
CLARK:

James Monroe and Robert Livingston…


LEWIS:

.to France to try to buy some land from the Emperor Napoleon Bonapart, who was in way over his head from fighting wars all over Europe.


CLARK:

Not that “over his” was very high, but frankly my dear, he was pretty well broke.
SACAJAWEA:

Look over there!
JEFFERSON:

Gentlemen! All eyes, all hopes, are now fixed on you! Your mission is to purchase land from France on behalf of the United States.
MONROE:

We are proud to represent the U.S.
LIVINGSTON:

We will not fail our country.

L
Napoleon: O my name’s Napoleon Bonapart and have I got a deal for you.

I’m in danger of being blown apart so I make this appeal to you.

All eyes are fixed on you! All hopes are fixed on you!

It’s yours, you’re really in some luck, for fifteen million bucks!


Chorus: O his name’s Napoleon Bonapart and has he got a deal for you?

He’s in danger of being blown apart so he makes this appreal to you.

His eyes are fixed on you. His claws are into you.

It can be yours, you’re really in some luck for fifteen million bucks!


You were sent out to buy just New Orleans but since he’s so incredibly poor.

You’ll do well if you went home with more.


Napoleon: I think I know just how you feel come now boys let’s make a deal!

Come now boys let’s make a deal!


Chorus: Come now boys let’s make a deal!
Monroe & Livingston: We’ll take it!
Napoleon: Sold!
et’s Make A Deal

LEWIS:


So you see, Monroe and Livingston bought a lot more than they originally intended.
SOLDIER 1:

Yeah, like 860 thousand square miles!
SOLDIER 2:

Sort of the “blue light special” of land deals!
SOLDIER 3:

That land doubled the size of the United States!
CLARK:

President Jefferson wanted us to explore the land to map the rivers, make friends with the natives, open the West for trade and look for an easy water route from coast to coast.
LEWIS:

The truth is, we didn’t even know what America owned when we set out on our journey.
CHARBONNEAU:

I thought we were just going on a little canoe ride or something.
YORK:

Many Americans had some strange ideas about ownership at that time in our history.
SACAJAWEA:

You can say that again!
YORK:

Many Americans had some strange….
CASSIE:

Ok, well, let’s get back to the trip itself. So, you headed out of St. Louis in a couple of canoes and a couple of keel boats. Was the trip everything that you hoped it would be?
LEWIS:

Are you kidding? It was the adventure of a lifetime!
CLARK:

It was spectacular!
SACAJAWEA:

It was so enlightening!
CHARBONNEAU:

What trip?
YORK:

It was freeing!
SOLDIER 1:

It was magnificent!
SOLDIER 2:

It was glorious!
SOLDIER 3:

It was stupendous!
SCANNON:

Wait! Stop! Hold it!!! I can’t believe I’m hearing this and I’m known to have some pretty good ears! Good grief! Tilley, give me some music!


Life’s RUFF!


Scannon: Now baby, let me give it to you straight from the one who did the entire trip on four little

paws and not a hydrant in sight. They can tell you it was a great adventure, full of romance, excitement and thrills, but let me just tell you right now that no matter what they say, and no matter how they say it, the truth of the matter is that the whole doggone trip was positively, absolutely, undeniably….RUFF!!!!


Gnats and flies, ticks and fleas, about a million mosquitoes and bees,

Rats and worms, things that squirm and anything else that’s covered with germs.


Chorus: They can say it was a great adventure, and all that kind of stuff,

But let me clue you in baby, from one who knows it was “ruff!”


Verse 1: Traveling everyday’s ruff! Never time to play’s ruff!

Sleeping in the hay, rain in June and May, tried to run away, man I have to say!


Scannon: There were snakes and bears, no one cares, especially when you’re covered with hair!

Snot and sleet makes you beat, especially when there’s nothing to eat.


Chorus
Verse 2: Fighting rattlesnakes ruff! With a bellyache’s ruff!

Falling through a lake, playing give or take, please give me a break, it’s a big mistake!




CASSIE:


Boy, that does sound “rough!”
SCANNON:

No kidding, lady!
LEWIS:

Well, Scannon is right to a certain degree. It could be a pretty trying adventure at times, what with wild animals, miserable weather and trying to keep the native populations from doing us in.
CASSIE:

What about those native populations? What was their reaction to your visiting their lands?
CLARK:

Why don’t you ask Sacajawea, she probably knows the best answers to those questions.
CHARBONNEAU:

Oui, Oui, (we, we) she is the guide you know!
CASSIE:

And your wife!
CHARBONNEAU:

She is? Oh, I mean yes…….uh, she is! Uh…..wow!

YORK:


It’s true we never would have made it without Sacajawea and her skills as guide and interpreter.
CASSIE:

Sacajawea, how did your people respond to the visitors from the east?

This Is Our Home

CASSIE:


Wow! I’m beginning to see Native Americans in a whole new way! But, my big question is: how did you ever REALLY know where you were going out there in the wilderness?
SCANNON:

It was Ru…..
CLARK:

Quiet Scannon! It wasn’t always easy but with the help of Sacajawea and other guides along the way, plus the stars, the sun, the planets and the river current, the direction was usually quite obvious.
CHARBONNEAU:

Actually, it was our expert mastering of the sciences of astronomy, geography, geometry, physics, meteorology and all of the earth sciences, matched with our innate sense of directions, line and form that got us to and from our manifest destination with nary a single missed cue.
SCANNON:

In other words, we got lucky!

Fork In The Road

CASSIE:

Well, I guess that explains that! Now York, how about you, how did it feel for you to be so far away from home?
YORK:

I’ve always been a long ways from home, Miss. Out in the west, in a whole new land, I think I felt more free than I ever have. It’s funny how sometimes even in a crowd a person can feel pretty alone.
CASSIE:

Did you discover new animals and plants along the way?
LEWIS:

Yes, we found these animals that looked like barking squirrels.
CLARK:

One day I saw one of the animals pouring water into the tunnel where they lived.
LEWIS:

I dug down 10 feet down a burrow to see how they live, but never reached the bottom.
CLARK:

We were so fascinated by these little animals that we sent a live one to President Jefferson. Today you know this animal as the Prairie Dog.
CASSIE:

I bet that was so much fun discovering new animals.


L
Land of the silver birch, home of the beaver. Where still the mighty moose wanders at will.

Blue lake and rocky shores I will return once more.

Boom di e boom boom, boom di e boom boom, boom di e boom, boom, boom.
My paddle’s keen and bright, flashing with silver.

Follow the wild goose flight, dip, dip and swing.

Dip, dip and swing it back, flashing with silver,

Swift as the wild goose flight, dip, dip and swing.


and of the Silver Birch/Canoe Song

CASSIE:


Was there ever a time when you thought you might not ever make it across the entire continent?
LEWIS:

Yes, indeed there were times like that!
CLARK:

Like when we thought the Sioux were going to do us all in.
SOLDIER 1:

Or when we nearly froze to death the winter we spent with the Mandans.
SOLDIER 2:

Or how about the time we saw 220 grizzly bears in one day?
SOLDIER 3:

That’s right! One of them almost had Charbonneau for lunch!
CASSIE:

Really?
CHARBONNEAU:

That was bad all right! But, I think the worst days were those we spent with the Nez Perce out on the Columbia River. We ate nothing but salmon and dog meat for weeks on end!
SCANNON:

Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
LEWIS:

Ah yes, the Columbia! That’s when I knew for sure we were going to make it to the Pacific!
CLARK:

After making it past the Great Falls of the Missouri, I thought I’d never want to see a rushing river again!
YORK:

We had made it over the entire chain of the Rocky Mountains. Needless to say, we were pretty battered!
SACAJAWEA:

Then, Captain Clark discovered a large river we called “Clearwater,” that led us right into the mighty Columbia!

CLARK:


We also met up with the Nez Perce Indians who saved our lives through their kindness and generosity.
CHARBONNEAU:

They fed us!
LEWIS:

And helped us build new dug out canoes that got us back on that beautiful river making its tumbling dash to the sea!
Tumblin’ Waters


Verse 1: Oh, tumblin’ waters, always rushin’ away. Over the hills and valleys;

Please, please take me away. I’ve been away for so long. I just don’t know where to stay.

Once I was lost but now I am found. You have to take me away.
Chorus: Woh oh who, tumblin’ waters, Go oh who, go with me.

Take me along tumblin’ waters. Take me along to the sea!


Verse 2: Oh, tumblin’ waters, always on the run. Movin’ from mountain to mountain.

Runnin’ on to the sea. What keeps you goin’ and goin’ day after day after day.

Once I was lost but now I am found. Please won’t you take me away.
Chorus
Lewis And then, there it was!
Sacajawea: The most beautiful sight any of us had ever seen!
Scannon: It was beautiful! I mean ruff!
York: We had made it across the entire continent!
Charbonneau: The world will never be the same!
Clark: Ocean in view! Ocean in view! O! The joy! O! The joy!
Everybody: ad lib….Yeah! Wow! We made it! How beautiful!



O
Clark: O! the joy, the regal majesty. O! the joy of the sea. O! the dreams of great discovery.

O! the joy of a land that is free. O! the joy of a land that is free!


Verse 1: O! the dreams become reality, when the river meets the sea.

And the stream of new discovery.

Brings joy to a land that is free! Brings joy to a land that is free!
Verse 2: O! the joy, divine nobility of the earth of the sky.

O! the wonder of tranquility. O! the earth, O! the sky, O! the sea.



O! the dreams, O! the land. O! the joy!
! The Joy!

****CURTAIN CALL****
CASSIE:

Oh my goodness! I must have fallen asleep! Hey where did everybody go? Lewis? Clark? I mean Clark? Lewis? Where are you? Sacajawea? York? Charbonneau? Here Scannon! Here Scannon! Oh no! You mean it was all nothing but a dream? But it seemed so real! I guess it was too good to be true.
Lewis, Clark, Sacajawea, is it really you?
Oh, Hi Julie. It’s only you.
JULIE:
Cassie! Cassie! You’ll absolutely never believe what just happened to me! I was working on my report about King Arthur and his Knights of the Royal Round Table and you’ll never guess who came knocking at my door!
CASSIE:

King Arthur and his Knights?
JULIE:

No, that would be impossible, they’ve been dead for hundreds of years!
CASSIE:

Well, who then?
JULIE:

Two guys named Clark and Lewis and a whole group just home from a cross country expedition!
EVERYONE:

We’re Back!

Reprise: The Ballad of Lewis & Clark


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