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1553 for a couple days. Any guesses why?

We get back to Duke of Northumberland. He was Lord President of the

Council, bunch of guys advising the young Eddie about how to rule.

Remember, Eddie was 5 when he took the throne and only 11 when he died.

Other folks were ruling here. Northumberland fixed things with the

ailing young king to disinherit both Mary and Lizzie (Anne’s kid) in

favor of this wonderful gal named Lady Jane Grey. Jane, strangely

enough, was Northumberland’s own daughter-in-law. Jane was about 16 at

the time, and a Protestant. She ruled for only 9 days as Queen.

Mary ducked Northumberland who was searching for her. I think he wanted

to console her or otherwise ease her pain on the loss of Eddie. Sure.

Mary got herself to London and was declared Queen. Northumberland

decided that discretion being the better part of staying alive, went

and kissed her hand. Smart move.
Although her advisors told her to whack both Northumberland and Jane,

she nixed it. She did give the Catholic bishops back their Sees. When

Mary did the crowning bit in Westminster, it was a September ceremony

to die for, she let it be known that the throne was kind of cold and

lonely. She got engaged to Phillip II of Spain. Her mom was Spanish,

the Spaniards were getting very rich off in the New World. What was the

A smallish revolution was whipped up by Sir Thomas Wyatt and company in

1554. They did not really like the restoration of Catholicism and

worse, having a Spaniard sitting on the English throne. Mary’s forces

easily crushed the rebellion and had everybody with it executed, that

also meant Lady Jane Grey. Can’t say she did not warn her.
Strangely enough, that did not shut up the folk. Doggone it, those

peasants and nobles just did not quit. Mary put into effect things

known as Heresy Laws. Essentially, you speak against Mary and the

Church, you die. You know, we take a lot of freedoms for granted. Those

of you who wish to live in the Middle Ages, think on that for a second:

Heresy Laws. How long would any of us live? (end of sermon) In four

years, 277 folks in England learned to be very quiet. They were burned

to death in the name of peace. Mary thought she was doing the right

Mary did not have skittles and beer at her home either. Although she

was in love with hubby Phil, when he found out that she could not give

him a boy child, he left her. He hated the English and Bennie Hill, I

think. Mary was sick a lot with dropsy (an accumulation of lymph in the

tissues). Phil never missed a chance to dis her in public about that or

anything else. The last of Mary's life was just depressing for her as

the first. She died at St. James's Palace in London in 1558, at the age

of 42. I think she was relieved.

Anything to learn here? Be careful of those wishing to console you?

Grasshopper is always wrong in argument with chicken? Be careful what

you wish on others because it may come to you? No matter how many folk

you burn, you still may not be happy? Not many foreigners appreciate

English cooking or comedy? How about a family that slays together...

no, never mind.

Thanks for those well wishes. You folks are just wonderful. Some of

you, at least. As always, if you want to forward this or any of the

musings, just keep my name and email intact.
And a big happy birthday to a certain, unnamed poet whom I dearly love

but will not embarrass.

I spell my name,

J. Ellsworth Weaver III

SCA – Sir Balthazar of Endor

AS – Polyphemus Theognis

TRV – Sebastian Yeats

(some people call me Maurice)

Subject: Musing on July 9 -- Janey Short and Sweet

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2000 10:23:42 -0700 (PDT)

From: Ellsworth Weaver


Dear Folks,
Today on July 9, 1553 a sixteen year old girl learned her childhood

sweetheart had died three days before and that by his will she was

queen. She promptly fainted. She was reputed to be the most intelligent

woman in her country second only to her half-sister. She was Lady Jane

Grey: the nine day queen.
Lady Jane was born in October, bet she was a Libra, 1537. Her mom,

Frances, was the daughter of Hank VIII’s younger sister, Mary (no, not

Bloody Mary nor Mary Queen of Scots. Mary was a grand old name.) Jane

had two sisters, Katherine and Mary (see, another Mary) who was BTW a

dwarf. Janey was quite a catch, too. I mean she was petite (made Vanna

White look like Arnold) with long dark auburn hair, very innocent,

strongly Protestant, and pretty darned rich after a bit. Most of the

contemporary portraits I have seen of her may have been of Catherine

Parr. They all show a heart-shaped face with a strong chin and large

Janey was not very loved by her parents and spent most of her early

life studying, and playing with her sisters. That all changed when she

was ten. In 1547 she moved to the household of Catherine Parr (the last

wife and widow to Henry VIII). Hank was ailing big time. He was

grotesquely overweight, crazy, consumptive, and mean. Kate Parr was

Hank’s only widow. None of his other wives survived him. Pretty

indicative of that old Tudor charm. Things had been looking up for

Janey. She was at court and really liked young king Eddie VI. They even

had the exact same birthday. Maybe there was romance. Eddie was

betrothed to Mary Queen of Scots but Scotland was acting up so that

marriage was not going to be. Did Eddie think Janey was a bundle? You

bet! But Fate had other things in store. Eddie had consumption,

tuberculosis, the same disease that took off his dear daddy.

Eddie was only nine when he took the throne and so was ruled by others

more than he ruled. The most obnoxious of the "advisors" was a guy

named John Dudley the Earl of Warwick. This Dudley-Do-Wrong weaseled

his way into getting himself named Duke of Northumberland. He ran the

country even though he had no official title to do so and was acquiring

real estate like Ted Turner. Lots of the land he was taking was from

the Catholic Church. Remember that they were no longer the Church of

State. When Eddie was diagnosed with that inevitably fatal disease (in

those days) Northumberland got Eddie to see things his way. He

convinced Eddie that his Sis Mary, a Catholic from a dissolved

marriage, and Sis Elizabeth (Lizzie I), from an adulterous witch, were

both illegitimate.

Dudley had his candidate in the wings, Janey. Janey’s mom, Frances, had

just become rich since she inherited becoming the Duchess of Suffolk as

the "sweating sickness" (probably influenza) had taken off all the

other heirs. Dudley and Janey’s parents "persuaded" (read: beaten)

Janey to marry Guilford Dudley – the name says it all, doesn’t it? --

on May 21st of 1553. June 21st Eddie named her his next in line. What

an unexpected wedding gift for a childhood sweetheart. Janey did not

know anything about this. I think she would have been horrified. We do

know that less than a month later, July 9th she was astounded to the

extent of fainting.

Janey was supposed to be queen. Guess that Dudley thought then his son

would be king. Funny how that works out. When Janey was persuaded to

put on the Crown, she made it clear that Guilford was not king. So

there! Well, nine days laterJaney yielded up the Crown to Mary. Mary

felt she had to put Janey in the Tower. It did seem like Mary intended

to set Jane free. Mary realized that Jane was a pawn, however her

execution was necessary because as long as she was alive she would be

threat to Mary. She could be used as a pawn by those wishing to see

Protestantism regain power. Janey had admitted she was wrong in

accepting the Crown, but denied that she was innocent of any

wrongdoing. John Dudley, Northumberland, was found guilty of treason on

August 20, and executed on August 22. Lady Jane and her husband were

tried and convicted of high treason on November 14, "to be burnt alive

or beheaded, as the queen shall please" and beheaded on February 12,

1554; Janey’s abusive dad was beheaded on February 23.
Mom Frances was very good friends with Mary I and avoided the headsman.

She quickly married a man half her age and settled down out of the

political arena. Elizabeth, after she succeeded Bloody Mary, kept

Sister Katherine Grey at court just for security purposes. Kate Grey

was married to Edward Seymour, Earl of Hertford, in a secret ceremony

and soon had a child. They were ordered separated in the Tower, yet she

became pregnant once more and had two sons in total. She died when she

was 27. Her husband lived to be 83.

Janey, you were wonderful and I mourn your death.
What have we learned from this unfortunate story? Kids should not be

allowed to rule? Real estate agents are wont to hang out with kings

(sorry, Ms. Bening)? Some people just lose their heads trying to get

ahead? I think I like kings may say but biology rules the day. I just

made that up. *G*
Well, go out and make someone a king yourself. Careful what you create

out there. Remember Dr. Frankenstein.

Forward these to whomever but keep my name and email address intact.
Love and laughter,


Subject: Musing on July 10 -- Silent like an Orange

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2000 14:07:29 -0700 (PDT)

From: Ellsworth Weaver


Dear Folk,
On July 10, 1584, William of Orange who was known as "The Silent" was

killed by a fanatic. Why was this Orange sliced? Why was he known as

"The Silent?"
Billy was a German count who had come by a French principality, Orange,

and some land in the Netherlands as an inheritance. He was pretty good

friends with Emperor Chuck V. Chuck’s son was the infamous Spanish guy

Phil II. Remember he had married Bloody Mary I, jilted her, and then

later put together a fleet of ships -- called them his Armada -- to

take England away from Lizzie I? True, same guy. Phil later married one

of the daughter of Kate de Medici and Hank II of France. Isn’t it

interesting how this all links together?

Anyway, the Netherlands belonged to Spain at the time. The Spaniards

believed that anyway. The Netherlands was a hotbed of Protestantism

(although some of the Protestant beds were cold) and Phil II had

instituted what he thought were needed reforms. Most of them revolved

around whacking Protestants. The Dutch did some armed revolving

themselves. Billy Orange was sent to France to arrange a treaty of

truce. The king of France thought Billy was pro-Catholic and in the

pocket of Chuck and his son so he kind of spilled the beans about how

he knew Phil was going to essentially wipe out all those Protestants.

Billy was like a tar baby: he didn’t say nothing he just sat there and

listened; thus, his nickname "The Silent." Billy supported freedom of

religion and notified the rest of the boys what was up. Forewarned and

all of that.
Phil II sent in the Duke of Alba and things got really low in the Low

Countries. Billy’s eldest son, Philip William, got abducted and hauled

away to Spain. Alba played dragoon and killed most everyone who even

looked non-Catholic. He beheaded the Counts of Egmont and Homes. This

eventually po’d the Dutch such that they fought back. We now call it

the Eighty Years War. Billy (who would be played by Mel Gibson if this

were a movie) and his brothers sold their plates and jewels to raise

money to kick out the Spanish. It was tough guerrilla fighting. Billy

lost most of his early battles and two of his brothers got themselves

Billy parked his wife, Anna, safely in Germany with his folks during

the fighting. Anna got bored at her in-laws’ place and became a

general nuisance. Billy’s folks got tired of her and her public

nastiness. She moved to Cologne, the big city, and lead a wild life.

When she got drunk, she beat and berated her staff. She threw

outrageous parties. Ripped right through any money they had left.
Anna had a rather public affair with Johannes Rubens. Eventually she

moved in with him. In 1571 Rubens was arrested. Anna said they had done

nothing wrong even though she was very obviously pregnant. Note: Billy

had not been home with her in a long time. This was 400 years before

soap operas, remember. Anna broke down, told Billy to just go ahead and

kill her and her Johnny. Hey, it was within the law of the time. Billy

said no and told Rubens to scram. Anna gave birth to Peter Paul Rubens,

the rather famous painter. She also gave birth to Ruben’s daughter

Christina. Billy had enough and had the marriage annulled. You know it

was just as well. Anna had really gone around the bend. The staff kept

knives away from her, she was delusional, and raged horribly.
In 1573 Billy became an official Protestant. He remarried twice. And of

course, the Catholics never forgave him. In fact, one stabbed him to

death on this day 1584. Anna had left Billy and her country something

precious, Billy’s son Maurits of Orand-Nassua. Maurits lead the troops

which finally got rid of the Spanish from the Low Country in 1600.

Their sovereignty was finally recognized 48 years later in the Treaty

of Westphalia.
Christina was taken care of by Billy’s family. They even found her a

nice German count to marry.

What have we to learn from this? Softly, softly, catchee monkey? Don’t

try to force your religion on anyone? Better to remain silent and be

thought a fool, than open your mouth and be proven one? How about, no

matter how good you are in battle, you got to take care of business at

home? Like Elvis’ ring used to say: TCB.
Remember, you cannot measure beliefs, only actions, folks. As always if

you forward this or any of my humble missives, make sure you keep my

name and sig. intact.
Your chronicler,

Ellsworth Weaver

SCA -- Sir Balthazar of Endor

AS -- Polyphemus Theognis

TRV -- Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 11 -- I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle!

Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2000 20:10:43 -0700 (PDT)

From: Ellsworth Weaver

Dear Folk,
On July 11, 1302, an elite cavalry force approached an untrained

militia mostly made up of guildsmen, weavers. The results of that day

spelled eventual victory for the weavers but death for Scots and

Templars and loss for the Jews. This is the date of The Battle of the

Golden Spurs.
The French king. Philip "the Fair" (meaning "good looking" not about

his willingness to share) had long coveted the wealth of Flanders. The

place was mostly owned and run by guilds, independent of any throne or

crown. The most influential of these were the weavers’ guilds. They

made the fine linen cloth and lace.
Philip had been fighting with the English, led by Eddie I

("Longshanks"). Phil had even kidnapped, assassinated and bought a

Catholic pope or two. All of this warring and work on Church

beautification had sapped the treasury of the French. No money, no war.

Simple as that. So, where could a good-looking, studly kind of king get

some spending cash? Look to the merchants! You ask them first and if

they refuse to pay the insurance – "shame if some clumsy knight were to

wander into your shop and set fire to your loom, Monsieur Devreese" –

then you have to go send out some collectors. These knightly guys were

led by the French commander, the Duc d’Artois. Along with them came

Pierre Flotte and Raoul de Nesles. More about these three in a sec.
On June 11th, the elite of the French chivalry, mounted of course, came

riding toward the city Kortrijk (Courtrai in French) in Flanders. The

weavers and friends were standing their ground (the only dry spot

around) on Groeninge field. The surrounding area was muddy and mucky.

The French cavalry charged but got bogged down. The weavers with their

bill hooks and bowmen calmly opened them up like crawfish at a

Draconian (that's in Louisiana, ya'll) feast. Same results. Raoul saw

that the battle was lost but plunged into it as a sort of suicide rush.

He had decided better a dead hero than having to live with defeat. Duc

d’Artois was stabbed by a lay brother from the Ter Doest abbey in

western Flanders Guillaume Vansaeftingen. Great name, right? Several

folks afterwards wanted his name tattooed on their chests; none

survived the ordeal. Pierre Flotte, French lawyer and teacher, also

died in the fray.

Pierre Flotte is not as remembered as his star pupil, Guillaume de

Nogaret, who upon his mentor’s death became king Phil the Good

Looking’s chief advisor and favorite badman. Any RL Templars out there?

Okay, I know my Masonic friends are. Reason I asked was that Nogaret

was the one who led the arrest of the Templars that Friday Oct 13,

Why is it called the Battle of the Golden Spurs? Those danged weavers

cut off the spurs of the French knights and tacked the rowels up in in

Onze-Lieve-Vrouw church in Kortrijk. Kind of pretty decoration.

Unfortunately, French troops came back in 1382 during the Battle of

Westrozebeke and took the spurs away. How rude! The spurs which are in

the church today are fake ones but don’t tell anyone and everyone will

still dig it.

With no army, Phil had to knock off feuding with Eddie I. That suddenly

meant that Eddie could devote all his efforts to whomping on the Scots.

In fact William Wallace (remember "Braveheart"?) was forced out of

Phil’s court and back to Scotland. Wallace was betrayed to Longshanks

within three years.
With no money, Phil had to figure another place or places to squeeze.

He had two ready sources at home: the Jews and the Templars. Phil

"nationalized" (stole) all Jewish property and kicked them out of the

country. Eddie over across the channel had done a similar thing. Phil

was in hock up to his good looking eyebrows to the Templars. Hmmm.

Maybe he could arrest them and steal all the Templar treasure. You tell

me if you think he found it all. Some of the Templars made it over to

Scotland to fight against Eddie. Seemed only right. St. Clair

(Sinclair) is a name you might want to look up yourselves in that

What have we learned? A strong army with get you through times with no

money better than money will get you through times without an army? I

don’t think so. Cavalry is just not the answer in every situation?

Don’t go to other people’s back yard and act tough? Didn’t we have that

somewhere before? It is dangerous to loan money to a king? I think the

best thought is "Don’t mess with the Weavers!" *G*
Wobbling but not falling down,

J. Ellsworth Weaver (tee-hee)

SCA – Sir Balthazar of Endor

AS – Polyphemus Theognis

TRV – Sebastian Yeats
As always if you forward these, leave my name and sig attached. You saw

what happened to Duc d’Artois and his Frenchy boys. Grrrrr!

Subject: Musing on July 12: Wonderin' Where the Lions are

Date: Tue, 11 Jul 2000 21:54:38 -0700 (PDT)

From: Ellsworth Weaver


Dear Folk,
On this day July 12, 1174 a cowardly lion was captured, a lion-hearted

father was spanked, and a flying lion was lost.

William the Lion became king of Scotland when his brother Malcolm IV,

known as "Malcolm the Maiden," died at the tender age of 24. Okay the

name was for real, Malcolm was a pious and effeminate youth, grandson

of the mighty King David I of Scotland. Malcolm was the cousin of

England's ruler, Henry II, father of Richard the Lionheart. Small

matter that Hank II had promised – during his knighting ceremony at

the hands of King David, for heavens sake – to never, ever mess with

Scotland. Hank with his shark-like appetite wanted all that land above

his kingdom. So Hank talked, bullied, cajoled, whatever, poor Malcolm

the Maiden out of all Scottish possessions in England and even the

Scottish principalities of Cumbria and Northumberland. Needless to say,

Malcolm was not well-liked at home after that.

William was known as William "the Lion," not because he was some brave

hearted fellow (no Mel Gibson he), but because he had the distinction

of putting a lion rampant on the national standard of Scotland as a

substitute for the dragon which had formerly been there. William sort

of wanted to do the right thing: he resolved to get back the lands that

Hank II had swindled brother Malcolm out of. He decided to invade

England across the border and just do a little sacking, burning,

raping, pillaging, and slaughtering. Test the waters, so to speak.

Willie’s army was just outside of Alnwick. There are two stories as to

where Hank was at the time. The best histories show that he was off

fighting in France; the most poetic one says he was doing penance,

including being lashed by some monks at Canterbury, for having Thomas a

Becket whacked. You decide. The English barons heard about the border

raids and met together in York (NE Britain). The barons knew they had

to do something right smartly before the Scots got to liking raiding

and killing Englishmen. That sort of thing gets out of hand quickly.

There were only 400 knights and barons at York but they decided it

might be enough. They rode all night long to Alnwick. They got there

just at daybreak. It was a misty, moisty morning that 12th of July and

the English were afraid they might ride right into the middle of the

Scottish camp by mistake. That would be embarrassing. They halted.
The mist suddenly cleared. There on a meadow before them the English

army saw a small party of horsemen tilting – just kind of horsing

around. The English wasted no time in riding down and taking a

prisoner. He looked a little cleaner than the others and he sure did

try to resist. After the barons got this struggling knight back onto

English soil, imagine their surprise when they found out they had

snagged Willie the Lion, King of Scotland. Oh, there must have been

medieval high-fiving and shouting and all sorts of cavorting when they

opened that dude’s lid and looked in. "Got ourselves a king there,

Hank was overjoyed. He had some slick lawyers draw up papers

essentially saying that to get the king back, Scotland had to be deeded

over to Hank. Almost to Hank’s surprise, Willie signed the papers. To

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