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you know, Betty and I got married on

the rim of the crater, Diamond Head.


MRS. TROUT

(grabbing the

microphone)

This year, we're dedicating our first

dance to the soon-to-be newlyweds, the

King and Queen of Hawaii, Maggie and

Bob.
The couple enters. Bob is a goody bronzed god in his King

Kamahamela outfit. Maggie is spectacular in her authentic

looking Hawaiian Princess get-up. But her face reflects none

of the festivities around her. Every now and then, she looks up

and glances around for Ike, hating herself for it.
MRS. TROUT (cont'd)

King and Queen, dance.


Maggie and Bob start to dance as the Quarter sings "Aloha Oe."
MRS. TROUT (cont'd)

Everybody dance.


Everybody dances.
TIMES OUT:
Maggie and Bob pose for pictures with some of the guests.
MRS. TROUT

Pictures of the King and Queen.


Dennis poses with Maggie. Cory poses with Bob. Mrs. Trout runs

out of film and goes to get more, leaving Peggy and Maggie alone.

Peggy whispers to Maggie.
PEGGY

Lighten up, wahine.


MAGGIE

Lighten up, what?


PEGGY

This party is for you and Bob. Get

your mind off the reporter.
MAGGIE

I haven't seen him in twenty-four hours.

It just gives me the creeps a little bit.

I'd feel better if I knew where he was.


PEGGY

(nods to door)

Would it?
ANGLE ON: Ike just entering the party. At least he tried.

He's got a tropical sheet wrapped around his pants and shirt.

He walks to the bar and is greeted warmly by Lee. Maggie gets

very flustered.


PEGGY (cont'd)

What are you doing?


MAGGIE

(after a beat)

I'm going to go dance with Bob.

Because he's the man.

(referring to her headdress)

I like those grapes.


Maggie dances affectionately with Bob as Mr. Trout, tending

bar, greets Ike.


LOU TROUT

Hey, Mr. Graham, welcome to our luau.

What can I get you?
IKE

You got something without a toy in it?


TIME CUT:
A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON
A pair of expressive pantomime "A Little Grass Shack".
PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
Mrs. Trout is on stage, introducing hula contestants. Grandma

judges the Hawaiian dancing. The party is at full tilt -- a

little wild, a little goofy. Some guests (Bob, Cindy, Cory, Lee

and Ted) do the limbo. Walter, Mrs. Pressman doesn't turn as

she hears him.
IKE

Aloha. That's a very fetching

headdress you're wearing.
Ike leans into Maggie, enjoying the smell of her hair. She

notices, but acts casual.


MAGGIE

Where did you disappear to?


IKE

Missed me bad, huh?


TIME CUT:
All the guests start banding their pineapple cups. Walter rises

unsteadily, lifting his pineapple.


MRS. TROUT

Attention. Listen to Walter. Listen

close, he slurs.

(then)


Shut up, wahines!
WALTER

In the tradition that has grown through

the years, it is now Toast Time! First

up, our host, "A Honey of a Beekeeper",

Lou Trout..
Lou Trout stands with his glass raised.
LOUT TROUT

May the groom's heart be filled with

hopes and the bride's feet be filled

with lead!


There are shouts of "Hear hear!" Walter roars.
MRS. TROUT

May the pitter-patter of little feet

not be Maggie's.
MRS. PRESSMAN

May the gifts be returned!


TED

May the back of the dress be as pretty

as the front!
The laughter swells and swells, led by Walter.
ANGLE ON:
Ike watches as Maggie takes the heat, raising her glass along

with the others. Bob raises his glass like the good sport he is.

Ike can't believe it.
WALTER

You know the old saying, "You're not

losing a daughter..." Well, I'd like to!
Walter gets a bit laugh. He goes again.
WALTER (cont'd)

Maggie may not be Hale's longest

running joke...

(under her breath)


Maggie finishes the punchline along with his father.
WALTER AND MAGGIE

-- But she's certainly the fastest.


Uproarious laughter. Maggie looks terribly pained. Ike's had

enough. He pushes himself to his feet. Walter is thrilled. He

shushes the CROWD.
WALTER (cont'd)

Oh, look, Mr. Graham, how about a toast?


IKE

I don't know, give me a minute.

(to Maggie)

Are you all right with this?


MAGGIE

Excuse me?


IKE

Are you all right with this? You think

this is funny?
MAGGIE

Yes.
IKE

I don't and I don't think you should...
BOB

It's a joke. They're kidding.


WALTER AND CROWD

(yell)


Come on and give us a toast.
IKE

You want me to make a toast? Okay...

I'll give you a toast. To Maggie's

family and friends. May you find

yourselves the bull's eye of an easy

target. May you be publicly flogged

for all of your bad choices and may

your noses to rubbed in all of your

mistakes...
Ike watches their reaction. The silence is deafening. All the

guests stare at Maggie. Mortified, she holds back tears.


MRS. TROUT

That was funny.

(a pause)

But enough toasts, let's hula. Let's

start the music up.
She gets everyone up to hula. Band plays fast tune. Maggie

walks through the CROWD down the steps and outside. Ike

follows, but Peggy grabs a coat for her. Bob watches her go as

Cory approaches.


CORY

Hey, Bob. I got twenty dollars bet on--


BOB

Not now.


Bob rushes after Maggie.
PEGGY

(calling after her)

Maggie. Maggie.

(to Ike, handing him a jacket)

Here. She may need this. It's not

really Hawaii.


Ike exits. Then, Bob comes over.
BOB

Where'd Maggie go?


PEGGY

Oh, she just went to get me something

from the car.
Cory comes over with Dennis to Bob and Peggy. BOB/PEGGY/CORY/

DENNIS CHUFFA: About Bart Starr and football. (Which keeps Bob

from going outside to follow Maggie). Bob thinks about it.
EXT. TROUT'S BARN - NIGHT
Ike runs after Maggie. He grabs her arm and turns her to him.
IKE

I'm the only goddamn person in there

pulling for you.
MAGGIE

You humiliated me!


IKE

No, Maggie, I defended you.

Humiliating you is what everyone else

is doing. It's the theme of this party.


MAGGIE

I had it under control. Now they feel

sorry for me.
IKE

Well, they should. Because they're

about to watch you hang yourself again.
Maggie has no response.
IKE (cont'd)

-- Tell me something, do you really

care about Mount Everest?
MAGGIE

It's fun! It's high.


IKE

Or the sexual habits of locusts?


MAGGIE

That was very interesting research

George was doing!
IKE

What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary

tattoo?
MAGGIE

I already explained about that.


IKE

And where you ever really going to run

the leper colony in Molokai?
MAGGIE

(wincing)

Brian told you that?
IKE

Or maybe you just wanted to wear the

headdress.
MAGGIE

Every one of those times I was being

supportive. Something you won't

understand.


IKE

Supportive? You weren't being

supportive. You were being scared.

Just like now. You are the most lost

woman I have ever laid eyes on.
MAGGIE

Lost!
IKE

That's right. You're so lost you don't

even know how you like your eggs.


MAGGIE

What!?
IKE

With the priest, you liked them

scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried.

With the bug guy, poached. Now it's

egg whites only, thank you very much.


MAGGIE

That's called changing your mind.


IKE

No, that's called not having a mind of

your own. What are you doing, Maggie?

You really want to let that man drag

you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You

don't want to climb Annapuma.


MAGGIE

Yes I do!


IKE

No you don't. You want a man who will

lead you down the beach with his head

over your eyes just so you can discover

the feel of the sand under your feet.

You want a guy who will take you into a

cave with a thousand candles just to

read you a poem. You want a man to

wake you up at dawn because he's

burning to talk to you and he can't

wait another minute to find out what

you'll say. Am I right?


He's laid her flat. Maggie can't speak.
IKE (cont'd)

Am I right?


She fights back angry tears.
MAGGIE

Stop. Stop it! I'm getting married on

Sunday, and you're just trying to make

me run! Why? Because you're a cynical,

exploitative, mean-hearted creep who

wouldn't know real love if it bit him

in the armpit! And all you do is tear

other people down and-and-and laugh at

them, and criticize what they do,

because you're too afraid to do

anything yourself! I read your column.

You never wrote one about you. I'm not

the only one who's lost and you know it!

Am I right? Well? Am I right?


ANGLE ON: Bob comes outside.
BOB

Mag. Help me out here. Green Bay.

Right guard.
Both Maggie and Ike are breathing hard. Bob comes up to Maggie

and gives Ike a very hard look as he puts his arm around his

fiancee.
BOB (cont'd)

You know... Blocked Bart Starr, crewcut

... Are you okay?
Maggie adjusts her face as best she can.
MAGGIE

Yes.
BOB

Let me take you back inside, okay?
She lets him lead her away.
MAGGIE

Jerry Kramer.


Ike looks at her drooped shoulder and he shakes his head and

walks to his car.


EXT. HALE METHODIST CHURCH - THE NEXT DAY
Peggy and Cindy arrive for the rehearsal. They leave Cindy's

dog in Peggy's car and walk to the church.


CINDY

Tell me, why does Maggie need another

wedding rehearsal and two days before

the wedding? She's already done this.


PEGGY

Bob is making her visualize the

ceremony.
CUT TO:
INT. HALE METHODIST CHURCH - NIGHT
They are in the church proper now. Peggy waits in a pew as Bob

leads Maggie and Ike up the back steps of the church.


BOB

(to Maggie)

Okay, we're ready. Want me to have Ike

leave now?


Maggie turns on Ike with "cheerful" hostility.
MAGGIE

No. No -- Actually, let's make Ike the

pastor.
IKE

I'd rather not.


MAGGIE

(sarcastically)

Come on, it'll give you a great view.

It's perfect.

(seeing Peggy)

Hey.
Maggie smiles at Bob. Ike sighs and goes with it. Bob pulls Ike

to the head of the aisle and places him. Peggy follows Maggie

into the foyer to get ready. Cindy sits with Ted at the organ.


BOB

Team effort, Pastor Ike... Cindy, ready?

(after no response)

Cindy, come on.


Cindy leaves to join the girls in the foyer.
INT. CHURCH FOYER - THAT MOMENT
Once in the privacy of the foyer, Peggy and Maggie talk.
PEGGY

He's going to be the pastor?


MAGGIE

Yep. I want him to be front and center

and to watch everything.
PEGGY

What happened at the luau?


MAGGIE

(flustered)

... I don't even want to talk about

the luau.

(then seeing a hanging rope)

What's this?


PEGGY

It's for the bell.


Cindy joins them.
CINDY

Bob's in a hurry.


PEGGY

Don't be nervous, Maggie. Let us

visualize. Remember what Bob said?

"Be the ball."


CINDY

"Sink the putt."


PEGGY

"Make the shot."


CINDY

"Nothing but net."


PEGGY

"Never say die."


Maggie puts her hands up.
MAGGIE

Go!
Peggy and Cindy exit. Maggie pulls the bell rope and sways back

and forth as she rings the bell.
INT. CHAPEL - THAT MOMENT
It is Maggie's turn to enter. They all turn expectantly. Too

much time passes. Ted plays the organ, then stops. Maggie

swings back and forth in the foyer doorway.
BOB

Honey, are you okay?


Maggie stops ringing the bell and pulls herself together. She

walks into the aisle looking a little shaky. She takes a few

tremulous steps slowly with her eyes closed, peeking

occasionally with one eye.


IKE

(taking off his jacket)

At this pace, it could be an evening

wedding.


BOB

Hold it! Hold it! I think we're

taking this too fast.
He begins to pace.
BOB (cont'd)

We need to limber you up a little.

You're tensing.

(thinks a moment;

to Ike, moving him

to groom's spot)

You stand here and be me so she knows

how far she'll have to go.

(then to Maggie)

I'm going to walk with you.


Bob goes to Maggie and walks behind her.
BOB (cont'd)

Visualize! Visualize! It's game time.


ANGLE ON:
Maggie walking.
BOB (cont'd)

You are the football. You're spiraling

through the air towards the hands of

the groom.


She proceeds down the aisle. Bob behind her.
MAGGIE

(eyes down)

Yes, I'm spiraling through the air.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie raises her eyes and sees Ike in front of her as groom.

Ike and Maggie lock gazes. If they had to, they couldn't look

away. All the things unspoken are now communicated -- the love,

the longing.


MAGGIE (cont'd)

I streak towards the goal line.


Maggie's pace quickens.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

And I land on the goal line.


ANGLE ON:
Bob beams to see Maggie's eager arrival at Ike's side. He

switches off the music and proceeds like a proud coach to be the

pastor.
BOB

Okay, I'm the pastor. Dearly beloved,

blah, blah, blah. So on and so forth.

Ra ta ta ta. Yabada dabada. I now

pronounce you man and wife. Kiss the

bride, badum dum.

(then moving toward Ted)

We have the crescendo that leads to us

right back down the aisle and out the...
Ike kisses Maggie. It is a world class, Olympic kiss. It is a

kiss that changes everything and can never be taken back. It is

a kiss you only get once in your life.
NEW ANGLE:
Bob's smile dies. Cindy's mouth drops open as the kiss goes on

and on. Peggy loses control and screams.


BOB (cont'd)

Maggie!!!!?


Like a bucket of water thrown on two dogs, Ike and Maggie are

startled out of their kiss. They pull apart and smile at each

other.
ANGLE ON: Bob.
BOB (cont'd)

(furious)

If you were imagining me, you did great.

(to Ike)

What the hell were you doing?
IKE

(eyes on Maggie)

I'm sorry, Bob. She kissed me back.
MAGGIE

(dazed but happy)

I kissed him back.
BOB

Yeah, I caught that. Want to tell me

how long this has been going on?
Maggie looks at Ike, wondrous, confused.
MAGGIE

About a minute...?


IKE

A little longer for me.


MAGGIE

Really?
BOB

What do you expect me to say to this?
IKE

How about -- "I hope you'll be very

happy together"?
Bob hauls back and punches Ike in the face. Ike drops.
BOB

I hope you'll be very happy together.


Bob storms down the aisle and out of the church.
MAGGIE

(to Peggy)

Take care of him.
Maggie leaves.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHURCH - THAT MOMENT
Bob is halfway down the walk. Maggie appears at the church door

and calls after him.


MAGGIE

Bob, I'm sorry!

(half to herself)

At least I backed out before the

wedding. That's progress!
He keeps marching. Now Peggy appears next to Maggie. Maggie

calls again.


MAGGIE (cont'd)

Some woman is going to make you a lot

happier than I ever could...
The words are barely out of her mouth when Cindy comes out the

door, racing after Bob at a full sprint.


MAGGIE (cont'd)

See?
PEGGY

Well, Maggie -- in the words of Mrs.

Pressman: "Holy moly". Call me later.


Peggy goes to her car. Cindy joins her as Bob speeds off in his

car. Now Ike takes Peggy's place next to Maggie. Maggie turns

to face Ike. They are both beet red, stammering and unable to

look at each other, trying to act normal.


MAGGIE

Okay. So... what, uh... What just

happened? Just now? Jus then? In

there?
IKE

I don't know. I, uh -- I frankly don't

even want to talk about it.


MAGGIE

Me, either.


Ike GRABS Maggie and BOOM -- they are all over each other,

kissing frantically, tongues, hands, hair, elbow, you name it.

Blathering fools.
IKE

(blathering)

I love you. I love you.
MAGGIE

(blathering)

I love you, too.
They come up for air.
IKE

Wait. We have to talk. We have to do

some talking now. Pull up a railing.
Maggie sits on the railing, then Ike backs up and sits on the

opposite railing.


IKE (cont'd)

You have to go down an aisle and say "I

do". You have to get married.
MAGGIE

To who? Are you asking me?


IKE

Me?
Ike backs up to opposite railing and sits facing Maggie.


MAGGIE

Yes, you!


IKE

(thinks)

Well, you do have the dress.
MAGGIE

And the church.


IKE

And the wedding date. There's the two

of us.

(beat)


So, you think... maybe... You have to

go down the aisle with somebody you

love and who love you back.
MAGGIE

I'm okay with that.


IKE

So am I.


MAGGIE

So, we'll...


They both nod and sit there smiling, sort of. The organist, Ted,

closes the church door.


TED

Good night.


Ike pulls his tape recorder out of his pocket and quietly speaks

into it.


IKE

I'm getting married.


WIDE SHOT:
They smile at each other and remain sitting. Then, silence.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET/HALE/ATLANTIC HOTEL - THAT NIGHT
Ike drives up and parks in front of the hotel as he talks on his

cell phone.


INTERCUT WITH:
INT. FISHER AND ELLIE'S BEDROOM (NYC) - NIGHT
Ellie's on the phone. Fisher sits nearby.
ELLIE

Ike's going to get married.


Fisher throws himself onto the carpet and rolls himself

helpless with laughter.


ELLIE (cont'd)

(without turning to him)

Fisher, if you pee on that Persian,

I'll kill you.


CUT TO:
INT. BEAUTY SALON - NIGHT DAY
Maggie talks to Peggy, Cindy and Grandma Julia. Grandma Julia

sits under a hair dryer. Sprout, the dog, sits in his basket.


CINDY

I love his eyes. I just believe

they're listening to you.
PEGGY

His hair... any color.


GRANDMA JULIA

I like his tight butt.


Peggy laughs.
MAGGIE

Grandma!


PEGGY

(to Cindy)

See, this is a mature relationship.

She's really found it.


CUT TO:
LOVE MONTAGE SHOTS:
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
Ike and Maggie fishing.
INT. MAGGIE'S WORKSHOP/HOME - DAY
They play ping-pong. They laugh, enjoying the moment.
INT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - DAY
Ike and Maggie have fun playing cards. The game is slapjack.
EXT. FIELD - DAY
Maggie and Ike horseback riding. They sit on their horses

amongst trees, "nuzzling". Ike reads as he pushes Maggie in a

tire swing.
INT. MAGGIE'S ROOM - DAY
Ike and Maggie open and close a Hoberman ball by holding its

opposite ends in their teeth. Grandma looks in.


INT. MAGGIE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
There is a fire in the fireplace. Maggie and Ike sit as Ike

shows Maggie some passages from his favorite books. He's

reading something from Yeats at the moment. They seem happy.
EXT. CHURCH - THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
It is a media circus including FOUR REPORTERS, Midday with

Meredith and the T-shirt Vendor. Plus three other people the

reporters are interviewing, a GERMAN LADY, BUTCH KENAN, a

farmer and Grandma Julia. Reporter DINA NAPOLI walks down the

church steps.
DINA NAPOLI (OF WBAL)

Wedding bells are ringing for the

fourth time today in Hale, Maryland.

Maggie Carpenter, "Always a Bride --

Never a Bridesmaid", will be attempting

to complete her fourth wedding ceremony.

We'll come back on the air when the

results are in. Back to you, Jessica.


Meredith, the low-end public access TV reporter, films himself

pointing a cheap video camera himself.


MEREDITH

The turnout for this morning's wedding

is usually reserved for royalty or

Hollywood stars, but Maggie Carpenter

is Hale, Maryland's special star and

the citizens of Hale are out in full

force today.
The NY T-shirt Vendor pitches his wares.
T-SHIRT VENDOR

I got "Bye-bye Birdie". "What part of

'I do' don't you understand?"... Get

your "Runaway Bride" T-shirts here...


Reporter JULIE MURPHY stands near Grandma Julia and Mrs.

Pressman.


JULIE MURPHY (Channel 6)

The bride's been here for almost an

hour, but being around in the beginning

was never her problem. We'll be here,

showing you the full wedding ceremony,

we hope.


Reporter JACKI and TIFFANY stand at the edge of the CROWD

reporting.


JACKI/REPORTER #3 (WBOC TV16)

Will she or won't she? That is on the

minds of these several hundreds folks,

who are standing here this morning.

Not to mention on the mind of Groom

Number #4, ex-USA Today columnist, Ike

Graham, who is missing in action.
EXT. WINDOW OF CHURCH/INT. SUNDAY SCHOOL ROOM - DAY
INSERT window of church. Peggy peers out the window at the

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