My girl likes to brag about me.
Bob and Maggie kiss Ike two little love-birds.
I'm taking her trekking on Annapurna on
Ike is highly amused.
We think so.
Nothing like sharing your nuptial bed
with two Sherpas and a yak.
Walter cracks up, Maggie shoots Ike a look. He smiles back.
INT. IKE'S HOTEL ROOM/INT. FISHER AND ELLIE'S BEDROOM (NYC)
INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Fisher and Ellie are exercising. Fisher is on a cycle machine.
Ellie does yoga stretches. Ike sits back on the couch, puts on
his glasses and watches a video taped wedding playing on the TV
screen. Superimposed titles read "Brian Norris wedding."
(to Fisher; into phone)
You won't believe what I'm looking at,
Fisher. A videotape of all three train
THE TV - CLOSE
Two flower girls and Peggy enter a crowded church where the
groom, Brian, and his best man wait at the altar.
Now we see Maggie come down the aisle, then walk past the altar.
We see Maggie move away another aisle and out of the church.
SHOCKED WEDDING GUESTS rise in horror, as she runs from this
first wedding. She drags the train boy up the second aisle as
she leaves. Ike hangs up. He gets up to pick up the remote and
then sits back down to watch.
The tape fast-forwards to the next wedding. Now Ike is looking
at a much more relaxed, hipper, backyard wedding. It says,
"Gill Chavez Wedding". He hits the fast-forward button
(sometimes slowing down).
We see the Carpenter's backyard. It is Gill and Maggie's
wedding day. The yard is crowded with a MIXTURE of Hells
Angels-types, Deadheads and townspeople. The "altar" is a band
platform against the back fence.
Gill is waiting on the platform with a rock combo playing
Grateful Dead-type music. He makes an introductory speech.
Maggie steps out onto the back porch. She's beautiful in a
hippie-type wedding ensemble. She walks with her father to a
trampoline. We can see her tattoo. She jumps on the trampoline,
then dives into the crowd. They watch her and body surf her
over their heads to the back fence.
As she hits the stage, she looks at Peggy and Gill, then decides
to go. She jumps off the stage and runs up to a passing GUY on
a dirt bike. She jumps on and turns and waves as she rides
away. During the video, Ike scribbles: "Gill Chavez". Maggie
goes off on dirt bike. The tape fast-forwards to the last of
He now sees the third wedding. It's outdoors, in a tree lined
area, MUSICIANS plays. Ike laughs as he discovers that Maggie
approaches the altar on horseback, in a simple white dress,
wearing a crown of flowers. The Maid Marian look. Ike slows the
ON TV: IT SAYS, "GEORGE SWILLING WEDDING".
As Maggie rides down the aisle, suddenly the horse whinnies!
Maggie has kicked it in the shins. It rears and bolts,
galloping off with the bride. Ike FREEZE FRAMES the tape on an
image of Maggie, hair blowing. Although she is panic-stricken,
her soul seems to shine through in tat single frame. As Ike
stares at her, the smirk fades from his face. He just looks at
her, allowing himself to see her expression, her eyes. He can't
She gets to him. Ike gets a restless look on his face. He
stares closely. The groom is George from the bar.
EXT. TE TROUT BAKERY - THE NEXT DAY
Establishing. High angle wide shot of a bakery in Hale. Ike
exits a neighboring shop and walks down the block. He pauses in
front of the bakery to take a look at Maggie's truck. As he
does, a middle-aged Black WOMAN walks by and whacks him with a
newspaper. Ike is stunned as she walks off. He turns to a MAN
sitting on a bench.
Did you see that?
INT. THE TROUT BAKERY - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE ON a group of plastic grooms and brides on a counter top.
MRS. TROUT is behind the counter helping Maggie with a selection
of grooms for her wedding cake. The groom figures are spread out
on the counter. All sizes and colors, some attached to brides,
some solo, some tuxes, some in dinner jackets.
This one's very popular, but oh, you've
used this one before... Brian. But I
like the white dinner jacket.
No, he's no good. Too blond.
(picks up another)
We'll go with total traditional.
Then, Ike comes up behind her as she discards another groom.
But he's got the Bobster's eyes.
Maggie cringes at the sound of Ike's voice.
No -- the Bobster's eyes are closer set.
She ignores him and continues her search.
(to Mrs. Trout)
Could I have two coffees, please? And
what is that wonderful smell?
I'll have two of those delicious
looking cinnamon rolls.
(picking up a
Here, Maggie. I think this makes the
Mrs. Trout steps away to get his order. Ike moves to the other
side of Maggie and picks up the bride and groom figure.
Let's see... Excuse me, isn't that cute?
He makes the bride figure repeatedly knock the groom figure in
the head and run away screaming.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! Oh, help me!
Help me! Yup! That's her all right.
Mrs. Trout just about bursts a gut laughing. Maggie takes the
bride from Ike coldly.
You must be that Mr. Graham fellow.
Ike turns and goes to her.
Yes, I am. And who are you?
Betty Trout. Five dollars.
(as he pays)
Oh, Betty. I take it you're going to
be making the wedding cake and they say
you're throwing --
-- The luau for Maggie.
She starts picking lint off his sleeve and buttons his cuff.
(all smiles for
Grandma made me the cutest outfit. I
can't wait to show it to you.
A pre-wedding luau?
Yes. My husband and I love luaus.
It'll be fun.
Mrs. Trout turns and grabs Ike's bag containing two coffees.
Fun? Fun isn't the word.
Mrs. Trout beams. Maggie understands his answer a little better.
Mrs. Trout hands Ike his items and he pays.
If you're still in town, you should
No, I'm sure he doesn't.
(to Mrs. Trout)
Actually, I would love to come.
(taps her service bell)
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Maggie steps over, carrying her bride and groom figure choices.
Is that what you're going to do now?
Follow me around everywhere I go?
Ike smiles at Maggie enigmatically as he picks up his order and
heads for the door.
He starts to leave with his bag. Mrs. Trout stops him.
(handing him the
Your two cinnamon rolls.
Bye, Betty. Thanks.
He's not a nice person.
Maggie hands Mrs. Trout her bride and broom figures. Maggie
looks at Mrs. Trout, suddenly nervous. She dashes out. Mrs.
Trout imitates Ike bamming the bride and groom, laughing.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
Various High School SPORTS TEAMS practice. Maggie strides across
the football field, a scowl on her face. A few HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL PLAYERS job past Maggie, doing laps. A boy, KENDALL,
calls out to her affectionately as she passes. One of them,
DENNIS, slows his pace to run alongside Maggie.
Maggie, don't marry Coach! Marry me.
I love you.
You're jail bait, Dennis. Go away.
Run your laps. Go. Go.
Dennis runs on as Maggie continues toward her goal: Bob and Ike,
standing together on the other side of the field.
ANGLE ON BOB AND IKE
They're both standing on the blocking sled. Wave after wave of
VARSITY FOOTBALL PLAYERS ram into the sled and drive it across
the field with both Ike and Bob on top of it. Ike is munching on
one of the cinnamon rolls as Bob pushes the KIDS.
Drive! Drive! From your hips, get low,
get low, get low. Next!
Ike smiles broadly atop of the sled as he sees Maggie
approaching, looking mighty peeved. He nudges Bob and points to
Maggie. Bob lights up at the sight of her.
Good job, gentlemen... Special teams.
The football players move away from the sled. Bob moves to
Maggie, leaves Ike alone.
Bob kisses and embraces Maggie. She doesn't see Ike immediately,
What is he up to now?
Ike just came by to check out the team.
And talk about you.
Ike grins and shows Maggie the notes in his pocket.
Bob -- are you making friends with this
I'm just bragging about how great you
are. I'm the luckiest man alive.
Bob grabs Maggie around the waist and smooches her adoringly.
Maggie scowls at Ike. He nods, all charm.
Well -- I've got to get moving -- lot
of work to do today! I'll see you two
Ike leaves. Bob calls after him.
See you at the wedding.
You bet ya, Coach.
Maggie is aghast. She stares at Bob. Ike joins in behind a line
of peppy cheerleaders.
At the wedding? You invite him? Bob,
don't you realize he's writing another
article about me?
Sure I do. But the bet defense is a
good offense, right? You're not going
to let your opponent throw you off
You don't understand this guy.
Let him come to the wedding. You're
not running, right? Say it. "I'm
I'm not running.
So if you're not running and Ike Graham
is there to see it, then any article he
writes has got to have a happy ending,
right? All we're doing is turning
lemon into lemonade.
I've got news for you. No amount of
sugar and water is going to turn like
Graham into something you want to take
on a picnic.
Bob gives Maggie a big hug.
Where's that homemade sunshine?
Bob blows his whistle, then puts Maggie on the football sled.
I want you boys to take my princess on
the ride of her life... Honey, tell 'em
where you parked your car.
Maggie screams as the boys push her down the football field.
INT. CONFESSIONAL BOOTH/CHURCH - DAY
Maggie kneels, hands folded reverently. The booth's grate opens
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
My last confession was... ahh...
She tries to recall.
... Anyway, I have sort of a technical
question here. I've been having -- bad
thoughts. I mean, really bad thoughts
Of an impure nature?
No -- like -- I'm having a problem with
that whole turn-the-other-cheek concept.
I want revenge. I want to destroy this
guy's life, career, everything. On the
sin scale, how big is that? I mean,
can I "Hail Mary" my way out of it?
Child, any sin in one's heart is...
The name's Maggie. It wasn't this side
of ten years ago that you had your
tongue down my throat. So don't call
me "child", Brian. It annoys me.
Now don't get upset.
Brian closes the confessional window and exits
Brian, open up. Don't ignore me.
Brian leans into her confessional. She steps out to join him.
You're not even Catholic, Maggie -- you
really shouldn't come to confession.
He's a nice looking and gentle man. They regard each other for a
I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out
about that slime-ball reporter being in
town. I jus had to come warn you he
might show up here and start asking you
all kinds of ridiculous questions.
Brian moves away. Maggie follows and sits in a nearby pew.
Actually, he only asked me one
ridiculous question. The rest weren't
What? You talked to him! Did you tell
him we dated before you were a priest?
Yes, yes, I'm sure I only did you good,
What did he ask?
A woman, MRS. MURPHY, rushes in.
Father, am I too late?
It won't take long. Jus two venials.
The woman goes into the confessional booth to wait.
Only respectful things. What did we
have in common back then... What kind
of music did you like... Did you ruin
my life when you left me standing at
And what did you say?
How could I be angry at you when
clearly what has happened to me is as
Good one! Thanks.
It happens to be how I feel.
Brian sits next to Maggie.
God... Of course. I'm sorry -- I mean,
Brian -- I've got to go. The man's a
lunatic, but I know exactly where he's
God bless you, Maggie.
She turns to rush out, then stops herself.
Oh, wait, my purse.
She moves to the confessional, knocks, then speaks to Mrs. Murphy.
Excuse me, sorry, forgot my purse.
Maggie closes the booth curtain and turns to Brian.
Wait -- what was the ridiculous
question he asked?
Brian smiles mischievously.
He wanted to know how you used to like
Weird. Like after all those years you
She starts to go, then stops in her tracks as she hears:
-- Scrambled, with salt, pepper and
dill. Same as me.
Maggie looks at Brian. Suddenly, she remembers too.
I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Brian.
I'm happy here, where I'm supposed to
be. But if you ever become a Catholic,
may I ask you a favor, Maggie?
Could your confess to Father Patrick
from now on?
And she scampers out. Brian goes back into the confessional.
EXT. GILL'S GARAGE - DAY
Maggie drives up to an old brick firehouse that is now an auto
garage. The faded sign reads: "Gill's Garage".
INT. GILL'S GARAGE - DAY
Maggie rushes inside and looks around. No one is in sight.
Several cars, including a yellow jeep-like car up on a hydraulic
lift, are in the funky garage.
Gill? Lydia? Gill?
A CRASH, coming from the nearby back room, we hear loud muttering
in Spanish, then out stumbles GILL CHAVEZ, 34, wearing a grease-
stained Grateful Dead tie-dyed T-shirt. He grins triumphantly,
worshipfully cradling a CASSETTE TAPE in his hands.
Hey -- I found it!
Maggie regards her former fiance with patient warmth.
Gill looks up and gives Maggie a fond, hazy smile.
Mags! Hey, look -- The tape from the
Radio City Music Hall concert --
Remember that night I as trying to get
Jerry to let me sit in on "Ripple"?
He pulls out the cassette from its case. It's broken. The tape
is dangling from the cassette.
Oh, I'll play it for you.
Gill picks up an electric GUITAR and starts to play.
(shouts over the music)
Listen, Gill -- There's this reporter
who's ben making my life a living hell
... If he comes by here, don't talk to
him. And whatever yo do....
(crosses to Gill)
... Don't show him that picture of me
at the concert in San Francisco --
Suddenly, a loud CHUCKLING emanates from the car overhead.
What was that?
Maggie stops Gill from playing. She shoots her ex an angry glare
and moves a lever on the shop wall. With a HUM, the car descends.
We went to San Francisco twice.
Remember one time we had a flat tire...
As the hydraulic lift slows, the car is lowered, revealing Ike
sitting in the driver's seat. He has been enjoying the
photograph he's holding.
Imagine! Maggie Carpenter topless in a
(checks photo again)
And I see there was a chill in the air.
Maggie swipes for the photo, but Ike is faster at pulling it away.
Give me that!
But the most interesting thing here is
that I don't see the rose tattoo that
I've heard about on your back.
Gill takes off his guitar and sets it down.
Ike bet me fifty bucks you don't still
have it, Mags. I said "You're on, man!
Maggie loved that thing!" And I could
really use fifty bucks.
Maggie is conspicuously silent.
I'm not gonna show you guys anything.
I am a soon-to-be-married woman. Now
give me that photograph.
Sure, I would love to give this to you.
Just give us one quick gander at that
rose, and, I'll gladly hand it over.
She tries to grab the photo again. Ike pulls it away.
Maggie quickly turns around and pulls down the back of her shirt,
revealing the top of her back and a pristine expanse of skin. No
(turning back around)
Gill is still trying to grasp the meaning of this.
Maggie? You got it removed?
Gill, I'll go ya double or nothing if
was a stick-on.
I'm really, really afraid of needles...
It doesn't make me a bad person.
Ike laughs. Maggie looks at him with rage. Gill dramatically
pulls down the front of his t-shirt.
There it is on Gill's chest: the rose tattoo. Maggie sighs,
pained. Gill shows it to Ike. Ike looks at the tattoo. He
shakes his head at Maggie.
Look, look, man. I think the man is
He is not!
Maggie moves the lever on the wall again, sending Ike back up to
the ceiling in the car. She grabs the photo from Ike and exits.
I think I am.
Gill grabs his guitar and sits.
Hey, Ike, what would Jerry do?
The hydraulic lift stops moving. Ike leans out.
Jerry. He'd play. He'd play... Jerry
would play his heart out.
Ike sings and taps along in tempo on the side of the car as Gill
sings and plays "Ripple".
EXT. HOTEL PORCH - NEXT DAY, SATURDAY MORNING
As Maggie drives into town with Peggy, they see Ike on porch with
SHERIFF, POLICE CHIEF and MAIL MAN, all playing instruments as
a blues band. Ike is not bad on slide guitar. They all like
Maggie "CHUFFAS" with Peggy and moves on.
EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - LATER THAT DAY
The slow, loopy pitch of a softball. A bat connects.
A big wholesome man, CORY, runs for first base. He just beats
out the throw. Bob, acting as umpire, yells, "Safe!" Happy,
Cory turns to the stands and waves.
Maggie and Peggy, cheering loudly. Peggy tries to whoop harder
than Maggie, but that would be tough. From firs base, Cory waves
back to them. The two women sit back down and Maggie takes back
up with their conversation. Maggie is still al steamed up.
Okay, he's on base. Can we talk about
my life now? -- Ike's going to turn
that tattoo stuff into a big deal --
that I was never serious about Gill,
blah blah. He's totally out to get me.
For what reason? Some personal
That's what he says, but if he thinks
that I don't realize he's writing
another article, then he's an idiot.
It's probably because you got him fired.
Not that he doesn't deserve to get
fired... Look! Cory's going for
Cory as he runs for second base and with a slide beats the throw
for the force out. The women jump and cheer -- Maggie, again,
the most boisterous.
Dennis recognizes Ike as he walks up. Dennis tells Ike that he
is going to marry Maggie some day and shows Ike where Maggie is
Maggie spots Ike as they sit back down. She groans.
There he is. Snoop Doggy-Dogg.
Over there. Ten o'clock. He's talking