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BOB

My girl likes to brag about me.


Bob and Maggie kiss Ike two little love-birds.
BOB (cont'd)

I'm taking her trekking on Annapurna on

our honeymoon.
Ike is highly amused.
IKE

How romantic.


MAGGIE

(sharply)

We think so.
IKE

Nothing like sharing your nuptial bed

with two Sherpas and a yak.
Walter cracks up, Maggie shoots Ike a look. He smiles back.
CUT TO:
INT. IKE'S HOTEL ROOM/INT. FISHER AND ELLIE'S BEDROOM (NYC)
INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Fisher and Ellie are exercising. Fisher is on a cycle machine.

Ellie does yoga stretches. Ike sits back on the couch, puts on

his glasses and watches a video taped wedding playing on the TV

screen. Superimposed titles read "Brian Norris wedding."


IKE

(to Fisher; into phone)

You won't believe what I'm looking at,

Fisher. A videotape of all three train

wrecks.
THE TV - CLOSE
Two flower girls and Peggy enter a crowded church where the

groom, Brian, and his best man wait at the altar.


Now we see Maggie come down the aisle, then walk past the altar.

We see Maggie move away another aisle and out of the church.

SHOCKED WEDDING GUESTS rise in horror, as she runs from this

first wedding. She drags the train boy up the second aisle as

she leaves. Ike hangs up. He gets up to pick up the remote and

then sits back down to watch.


The tape fast-forwards to the next wedding. Now Ike is looking

at a much more relaxed, hipper, backyard wedding. It says,

"Gill Chavez Wedding". He hits the fast-forward button

(sometimes slowing down).


ON TV:
We see the Carpenter's backyard. It is Gill and Maggie's

wedding day. The yard is crowded with a MIXTURE of Hells

Angels-types, Deadheads and townspeople. The "altar" is a band

platform against the back fence.

Gill is waiting on the platform with a rock combo playing

Grateful Dead-type music. He makes an introductory speech.

Maggie steps out onto the back porch. She's beautiful in a

hippie-type wedding ensemble. She walks with her father to a

trampoline. We can see her tattoo. She jumps on the trampoline,

then dives into the crowd. They watch her and body surf her

over their heads to the back fence.

As she hits the stage, she looks at Peggy and Gill, then decides

to go. She jumps off the stage and runs up to a passing GUY on

a dirt bike. She jumps on and turns and waves as she rides

away. During the video, Ike scribbles: "Gill Chavez". Maggie

goes off on dirt bike. The tape fast-forwards to the last of

Maggie's fiascoes.
ON IKE'STV
He now sees the third wedding. It's outdoors, in a tree lined

area, MUSICIANS plays. Ike laughs as he discovers that Maggie

approaches the altar on horseback, in a simple white dress,

wearing a crown of flowers. The Maid Marian look. Ike slows the

tape.
ON TV: IT SAYS, "GEORGE SWILLING WEDDING".
As Maggie rides down the aisle, suddenly the horse whinnies!
Maggie has kicked it in the shins. It rears and bolts,

galloping off with the bride. Ike FREEZE FRAMES the tape on an

image of Maggie, hair blowing. Although she is panic-stricken,

her soul seems to shine through in tat single frame. As Ike

stares at her, the smirk fades from his face. He just looks at

her, allowing himself to see her expression, her eyes. He can't

help it.
She gets to him. Ike gets a restless look on his face. He

stares closely. The groom is George from the bar.


IKE

Kamikaze!


CUT TO:
EXT. TE TROUT BAKERY - THE NEXT DAY
Establishing. High angle wide shot of a bakery in Hale. Ike

exits a neighboring shop and walks down the block. He pauses in

front of the bakery to take a look at Maggie's truck. As he

does, a middle-aged Black WOMAN walks by and whacks him with a

newspaper. Ike is stunned as she walks off. He turns to a MAN

sitting on a bench.


IKE

Did you see that?


CUT TO:
INT. THE TROUT BAKERY - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE ON a group of plastic grooms and brides on a counter top.
MRS. TROUT is behind the counter helping Maggie with a selection

of grooms for her wedding cake. The groom figures are spread out

on the counter. All sizes and colors, some attached to brides,

some solo, some tuxes, some in dinner jackets.


MRS. TROUT

This one's very popular, but oh, you've

used this one before... Brian. But I

like the white dinner jacket.


MAGGIE

No, he's no good. Too blond.


MRS. TROUT

(picks up another)

We'll go with total traditional.
MAGGIE

Too dark.


Then, Ike comes up behind her as she discards another groom.
IKE

But he's got the Bobster's eyes.


Maggie cringes at the sound of Ike's voice.
IKE (cont'd)

No -- the Bobster's eyes are closer set.


She ignores him and continues her search.
IKE (cont'd)

(to Mrs. Trout)

Could I have two coffees, please? And

what is that wonderful smell?

(seeing the

cinnamon rolls)

I'll have two of those delicious

looking cinnamon rolls.


MRS. TROUT

Sure.


(picking up a

miniature bride)

Here, Maggie. I think this makes the

best you.


Mrs. Trout steps away to get his order. Ike moves to the other

side of Maggie and picks up the bride and groom figure.


IKE

Let's see... Excuse me, isn't that cute?

Ahh...
He makes the bride figure repeatedly knock the groom figure in

the head and run away screaming.


IKE (cont'd)

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! Oh, help me!

Help me! Yup! That's her all right.
Mrs. Trout just about bursts a gut laughing. Maggie takes the

bride from Ike coldly.


MRS. TROUT

You must be that Mr. Graham fellow.


Ike turns and goes to her.
IKE

Yes, I am. And who are you?


MRS. TROUT

Betty Trout. Five dollars.


IKE

(as he pays)

Oh, Betty. I take it you're going to

be making the wedding cake and they say

you're throwing --
MRS. TROUT

(interrupting)

-- The luau for Maggie.
She starts picking lint off his sleeve and buttons his cuff.
MAGGIE

(all smiles for

Mrs. Trout)

Grandma made me the cutest outfit. I

can't wait to show it to you.
IKE

(cynical delight)

A pre-wedding luau?
MRS. TROUT

Yes. My husband and I love luaus.

It'll be fun.
Mrs. Trout turns and grabs Ike's bag containing two coffees.
IKE

Fun? Fun isn't the word.


Mrs. Trout beams. Maggie understands his answer a little better.

Mrs. Trout hands Ike his items and he pays.


MRS. TROUT

If you're still in town, you should

stop by.
MAGGIE

No, I'm sure he doesn't.


IKE

(to Mrs. Trout)

Actually, I would love to come.

(taps her service bell)

Thank you. Thank you so much.
Maggie steps over, carrying her bride and groom figure choices.
MAGGIE

(exasperated)

Is that what you're going to do now?

Follow me around everywhere I go?


Ike smiles at Maggie enigmatically as he picks up his order and

heads for the door.


IKE

No.
He starts to leave with his bag. Mrs. Trout stops him.


MRS. TROUT

(handing him the

other bag)

Your two cinnamon rolls.


IKE

Bye, Betty. Thanks.


He leaves.
MAGGIE

He's not a nice person.


Maggie hands Mrs. Trout her bride and broom figures. Maggie

looks at Mrs. Trout, suddenly nervous. She dashes out. Mrs.

Trout imitates Ike bamming the bride and groom, laughing.
CUT TO:
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
Various High School SPORTS TEAMS practice. Maggie strides across

the football field, a scowl on her face. A few HIGH SCHOOL

FOOTBALL PLAYERS job past Maggie, doing laps. A boy, KENDALL,

calls out to her affectionately as she passes. One of them,

DENNIS, slows his pace to run alongside Maggie.
DENNIS

(playful)

Maggie, don't marry Coach! Marry me.

I love you.


MAGGIE

You're jail bait, Dennis. Go away.

Run your laps. Go. Go.
Dennis runs on as Maggie continues toward her goal: Bob and Ike,

standing together on the other side of the field.


ANGLE ON BOB AND IKE
They're both standing on the blocking sled. Wave after wave of

VARSITY FOOTBALL PLAYERS ram into the sled and drive it across

the field with both Ike and Bob on top of it. Ike is munching on

one of the cinnamon rolls as Bob pushes the KIDS.


BOB

Drive! Drive! From your hips, get low,

get low, get low. Next!
Ike smiles broadly atop of the sled as he sees Maggie

approaching, looking mighty peeved. He nudges Bob and points to

Maggie. Bob lights up at the sight of her.
BOB (cont'd)

Good job, gentlemen... Special teams.


The football players move away from the sled. Bob moves to

Maggie, leaves Ike alone.


BOB (cont'd)

(to Maggie)

Hey, honey!
Bob kisses and embraces Maggie. She doesn't see Ike immediately,

then:
MAGGIE

(indicating Ike)

What is he up to now?


BOB

Ike just came by to check out the team.


IKE

And talk about you.


Ike grins and shows Maggie the notes in his pocket.
MAGGIE

Bob -- are you making friends with this

man?
BOB

I'm just bragging about how great you

are. I'm the luckiest man alive.
Bob grabs Maggie around the waist and smooches her adoringly.

Maggie scowls at Ike. He nods, all charm.


IKE

Well -- I've got to get moving -- lot

of work to do today! I'll see you two

love-birds later.


Ike leaves. Bob calls after him.
BOB

See you at the wedding.


IKE

You bet ya, Coach.


Maggie is aghast. She stares at Bob. Ike joins in behind a line

of peppy cheerleaders.


MAGGIE

At the wedding? You invite him? Bob,

don't you realize he's writing another

article about me?


BOB

Sure I do. But the bet defense is a

good offense, right? You're not going

to let your opponent throw you off

your game.
MAGGIE

You don't understand this guy.


BOB

Let him come to the wedding. You're

not running, right? Say it. "I'm

not..."
MAGGIE

(irritably)

I'm not running.


BOB

So if you're not running and Ike Graham

is there to see it, then any article he

writes has got to have a happy ending,

right? All we're doing is turning

lemon into lemonade.


MAGGIE

I've got news for you. No amount of

sugar and water is going to turn like

Graham into something you want to take

on a picnic.
Bob gives Maggie a big hug.
BOB

Where's that homemade sunshine?


Bob blows his whistle, then puts Maggie on the football sled.
BOB (cont'd)

I want you boys to take my princess on

the ride of her life... Honey, tell 'em

where you parked your car.


Maggie screams as the boys push her down the football field.
INT. CONFESSIONAL BOOTH/CHURCH - DAY
Maggie kneels, hands folded reverently. The booth's grate opens

before her.


MAGGIE

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

My last confession was... ahh...
She tries to recall.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

... Anyway, I have sort of a technical

question here. I've been having -- bad

thoughts. I mean, really bad thoughts

...
PRIEST

Of an impure nature?


MAGGIE

No -- like -- I'm having a problem with

that whole turn-the-other-cheek concept.

I want revenge. I want to destroy this

guy's life, career, everything. On the

sin scale, how big is that? I mean,

can I "Hail Mary" my way out of it?
PRIEST

Child, any sin in one's heart is...


MAGGIE

(impatient)

The name's Maggie. It wasn't this side

of ten years ago that you had your

tongue down my throat. So don't call

me "child", Brian. It annoys me.


PRIEST/ BRIAN

Now don't get upset.


Brian closes the confessional window and exits
MAGGIE

(still inside

the booth)

Brian, open up. Don't ignore me.


Brian leans into her confessional. She steps out to join him.
BRIAN

You're not even Catholic, Maggie -- you

really shouldn't come to confession.
He's a nice looking and gentle man. They regard each other for a

beat.
MAGGIE

I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out

about that slime-ball reporter being in

town. I jus had to come warn you he

might show up here and start asking you

all kinds of ridiculous questions.
Brian moves away. Maggie follows and sits in a nearby pew.
BRIAN

Actually, he only asked me one

ridiculous question. The rest weren't

so bad.
MAGGIE

(sliding along

the pew)

What? You talked to him! Did you tell

him we dated before you were a priest?


BRIAN

Yes, yes, I'm sure I only did you good,

Maggie.
MAGGIE

What did he ask?


A woman, MRS. MURPHY, rushes in.
MRS. MURPHY

Father, am I too late?


BRIAN

No, no.
MRS. MURPHY

It won't take long. Jus two venials.
The woman goes into the confessional booth to wait.
BRIAN

Only respectful things. What did we

have in common back then... What kind

of music did you like... Did you ruin

my life when you left me standing at

the altar...


MAGGIE

And what did you say?


BRIAN

How could I be angry at you when

clearly what has happened to me is as

God intended?


MAGGIE

(relieved)

Good one! Thanks.
BRIAN

It happens to be how I feel.


Brian sits next to Maggie.
MAGGIE

God... Of course. I'm sorry -- I mean,

I'm...

(sighs)


Brian -- I've got to go. The man's a

lunatic, but I know exactly where he's

going next.
BRIAN

God bless you, Maggie.


She turns to rush out, then stops herself.
MAGGIE

Oh, wait, my purse.


She moves to the confessional, knocks, then speaks to Mrs. Murphy.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

Excuse me, sorry, forgot my purse.

Good luck.
Maggie closes the booth curtain and turns to Brian.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

Wait -- what was the ridiculous

question he asked?
Brian smiles mischievously.
BRIAN

He wanted to know how you used to like

your eggs.
MAGGIE

Weird. Like after all those years you

would remem--
She starts to go, then stops in her tracks as she hears:
BRIAN

(interrupting)

-- Scrambled, with salt, pepper and

dill. Same as me.


Maggie looks at Brian. Suddenly, she remembers too.
MAGGIE

(tenderly)

I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Brian.
BRIAN

I'm happy here, where I'm supposed to

be. But if you ever become a Catholic,

may I ask you a favor, Maggie?


MAGGIE

Of course.


BRIAN

Could your confess to Father Patrick

from now on?
MAGGIE

Of course.


And she scampers out. Brian goes back into the confessional.
EXT. GILL'S GARAGE - DAY
Maggie drives up to an old brick firehouse that is now an auto

garage. The faded sign reads: "Gill's Garage".


INT. GILL'S GARAGE - DAY
Maggie rushes inside and looks around. No one is in sight.

Several cars, including a yellow jeep-like car up on a hydraulic

lift, are in the funky garage.
MAGGIE

Gill? Lydia? Gill?


A CRASH, coming from the nearby back room, we hear loud muttering

in Spanish, then out stumbles GILL CHAVEZ, 34, wearing a grease-

stained Grateful Dead tie-dyed T-shirt. He grins triumphantly,

worshipfully cradling a CASSETTE TAPE in his hands.


GILL

Hey -- I found it!


Maggie regards her former fiance with patient warmth.
MAGGIE

Found what?


Gill looks up and gives Maggie a fond, hazy smile.
GILL

Mags! Hey, look -- The tape from the

Radio City Music Hall concert --

Remember that night I as trying to get

Jerry to let me sit in on "Ripple"?
He pulls out the cassette from its case. It's broken. The tape

is dangling from the cassette.


GILL (cont'd)

(disappointed)

Oh, I'll play it for you.
Gill picks up an electric GUITAR and starts to play.
MAGGIE

(shouts over the music)

Listen, Gill -- There's this reporter

who's ben making my life a living hell

... If he comes by here, don't talk to

him. And whatever yo do....

(crosses to Gill)

... Don't show him that picture of me

at the concert in San Francisco --
Suddenly, a loud CHUCKLING emanates from the car overhead.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

What was that?


Maggie stops Gill from playing. She shoots her ex an angry glare

and moves a lever on the shop wall. With a HUM, the car descends.


GILL

We went to San Francisco twice.

Remember one time we had a flat tire...

Which picture?


As the hydraulic lift slows, the car is lowered, revealing Ike

sitting in the driver's seat. He has been enjoying the

photograph he's holding.
IKE

(feigning shock)

Imagine! Maggie Carpenter topless in a

public arena.

(checks photo again)

And I see there was a chill in the air.


Maggie swipes for the photo, but Ike is faster at pulling it away.
MAGGIE

Give me that!


IKE

But the most interesting thing here is

that I don't see the rose tattoo that

I've heard about on your back.


Gill takes off his guitar and sets it down.
GILL

Ike bet me fifty bucks you don't still

have it, Mags. I said "You're on, man!

Maggie loved that thing!" And I could

really use fifty bucks.
Maggie is conspicuously silent.
GILL (cont'd)

(looking worried)

Mags?
MAGGIE

I'm not gonna show you guys anything.

I am a soon-to-be-married woman. Now

give me that photograph.


Maggie seethes.
IKE

Sure, I would love to give this to you.

Just give us one quick gander at that

rose, and, I'll gladly hand it over.


She tries to grab the photo again. Ike pulls it away.
MAGGIE

Fine. Here.


Maggie quickly turns around and pulls down the back of her shirt,

revealing the top of her back and a pristine expanse of skin. No

tattoo.
MAGGIE (cont'd)

(turning back around)

Satisfied?
IKE

Completely.


Gill is still trying to grasp the meaning of this.
GILL

Maggie? You got it removed?


IKE

Gill, I'll go ya double or nothing if

was a stick-on.
GILL

(dismayed)

Maggie?
MAGGIE

(admitting)

I'm really, really afraid of needles...

It doesn't make me a bad person.


Ike laughs. Maggie looks at him with rage. Gill dramatically

pulls down the front of his t-shirt.


GILL

Look.
There it is on Gill's chest: the rose tattoo. Maggie sighs,

pained. Gill shows it to Ike. Ike looks at the tattoo. He

shakes his head at Maggie.


IKE

(sincerely)

Look, look, man. I think the man is

heartbroken.


MAGGIE

He is not!


Maggie moves the lever on the wall again, sending Ike back up to

the ceiling in the car. She grabs the photo from Ike and exits.


GILL

I think I am.


Gill grabs his guitar and sits.
GILL (cont'd)

Hey, Ike, what would Jerry do?


The hydraulic lift stops moving. Ike leans out.
IKE

Jerry. He'd play. He'd play... Jerry

would play his heart out.
Ike sings and taps along in tempo on the side of the car as Gill

sings and plays "Ripple".


CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL PORCH - NEXT DAY, SATURDAY MORNING
As Maggie drives into town with Peggy, they see Ike on porch with

SHERIFF, POLICE CHIEF and MAIL MAN, all playing instruments as

a blues band. Ike is not bad on slide guitar. They all like

Ike.


Maggie "CHUFFAS" with Peggy and moves on.
EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - LATER THAT DAY
CLOSE ON:
The slow, loopy pitch of a softball. A bat connects.
NEW ANGLE:
A big wholesome man, CORY, runs for first base. He just beats

out the throw. Bob, acting as umpire, yells, "Safe!" Happy,

Cory turns to the stands and waves.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie and Peggy, cheering loudly. Peggy tries to whoop harder

than Maggie, but that would be tough. From firs base, Cory waves

back to them. The two women sit back down and Maggie takes back

up with their conversation. Maggie is still al steamed up.


MAGGIE

Okay, he's on base. Can we talk about

my life now? -- Ike's going to turn

that tattoo stuff into a big deal --

that I was never serious about Gill,

blah blah. He's totally out to get me.


PEGGY

For what reason? Some personal

satisfaction?
MAGGIE

That's what he says, but if he thinks

that I don't realize he's writing

another article, then he's an idiot.


PEGGY

It's probably because you got him fired.


MAGGIE

(sarcastic)

Ya think?
PEGGY

Not that he doesn't deserve to get

fired... Look! Cory's going for

second!... Sneaky!


ANGLE ON:
Cory as he runs for second base and with a slide beats the throw

for the force out. The women jump and cheer -- Maggie, again,

the most boisterous.
ANGLE ON:
Dennis recognizes Ike as he walks up. Dennis tells Ike that he

is going to marry Maggie some day and shows Ike where Maggie is

sitting.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie spots Ike as they sit back down. She groans.
MAGGIE

There he is. Snoop Doggy-Dogg.


PEGGY

Where?
MAGGIE

Over there. Ten o'clock. He's talking

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